The diary journal of Ulquiorra Cifer
by lamekirby
Summary: We all know that Ulquiorra is a deep guy. Perhaps that is why Aizen ordered our favorite Espasda to keep a diary err... I mean journal.
1. Glasses

Entry 1

I am seriously worried about the state of Aizen-sama's sanity. Why? Because:

1.) Aizen-sama has ordered me to write in this piece of trash. Commonly known as a 'journal'.

2.) Aizen-sama has also assined me a fracción. She's currently sitting in the corner of my room and giggiling to herself about how she will steal my 'diary' and post it's entries on a website called ''.

I think she's deaf. She calls me 'Ulqi-kun' even though I have told her to adress me as Ulquiorra-sama. And she calls my journal a diary. It is not a diary. It is a journal.

I'm going to take her to Szayel Aporro so she can have her hearing cheaked.

Entry 2

If I say that the visit to the eighth Espasda went badly, it would be a huge understatement.

When we arrived to Szayel's room, he was… having his 'afternoon snack'. AKA: he was eating one of his fracción. Again.

Apparently, my trashy fracción has never seen Aporro eat his fracción. So she fainted when she stepped into his room and saw two skinny legs sticking out of his wouth and his room covered in blood.

An hour after she fainted, Szayel did the hearing test with her and -surprisingly- she passed. Now, the eighth Espasda is obsessed with doing tests on live orginissisms. So, he wanted to keep my trashy fracción for another hour to preform more tests.

When I came back to get her, Aporro told me something that I did not want to hear: she needed glasses. Isin't that fantastic?

Entry 3

Word to the wise: do not let your trashy fracción have 'Coca Puffs' for breakfast. You will regret it. Please don't ask why.

Yesterday, I got permission from Aizen-sama to go to the human world. He accepted, so this morning, me and my trashy fracción went to a trashy human store called 'Wal-Mart' to get her a pair of glasses. I had intended for this trip to be short and quick. Unfortanatly, it wasn't.

First of all, she wanted to make sure her glasses were absolutly 'perfect'. This ment that she had to try on every pair until she found the right ones. She proceeded to ask me what I thought of the pair of glasses she was wearing. When she realized that I was going to call all the pairs trash (because all the pairs were trash) she began to ask random people in the store what they thought of the pair she was wearing. In the end, she chose rectangular green ones. "They match your eyes, Ulqi-kun!" she had told me.

Second of all, she demanded that I buy her ice crème. This is what I told her: "Ice crème is trash." All she did was stare at me like I had just popped my eyeball out of it's socket. She wouldn't stop until I bought her the ice crème.

Lastly, she made me buy headphones. They were the old-fashioned kind. "why would you want that trash?" I asked her. "For decoration." She replied.

Whatever that means.


	2. A talk with Gin

Entry 4

I do not own Bleach. For some reason, my trashy fracción told me to write that in my journal. She also told me that you people should 'review'. Also, she told me to write 'thanks to everyone who reviewed' and 'thanks to every one who favorited this story'.

Wait… why am I listening to her?

Entry 5

My trashy fracción is currently sitting in the corner of my room and giggiling to herself sbout how she got 'reviews' for her 'story' on 'fanfiction'.

I've seen her account. Apperently she calls herself 'ulqi-kunz_fraccion'. Why didn't she capitalize her username? Do all these people on 'fanfiction' not care about the rules of grammer?

She has some how obtained my journal and posted the first three entrires online. I wonder how she got a hold of my journal on the first place. I just hope that she hasn't shown it to Grimmjow.

Entry 6

My trashy fracción has made friends with Lilinette, Starks fracctión. Now she dosen't bother me as much as she used to. Lilinette and my trashy fracción have teamed up with each other to acomplish the impossible mission of gettting Stark to stay awake for at least ten minuets. I wish them luck.

Entry 7

I was stopped by Gin in the hallway today. The conversation we had was… pleasant, to say the least. "So, Ulquiorra, how do ya' like your new fracctión?"

"She is trash."

Gin frowned. It was surprising, actually. "Don't ya' think that everyone is trash?"

"Not everyone."

"Like?" Gin streached out the 'i' in like.

"… Aizen-sama."

Gin laughed. "Uh-huh. I'm sure you'll warm up ta' her."

"What makes you say that?"

"'Cuz ya' bothered ta' buy those headphones for her."

Gin shunpoed away before I could reply.


	3. Baragan's fraccion

Entry 7

All music is trash. At least, that's what I thought before Ai (yes, I actually called my trashy fracción by her name. I can't believe it either.) Locked me in a closet with her radio that was playing Linkin Park on top volume. So now all music besides Linkin Park's is trash. This was her comment when I got out of the closet: "How come you just didn't bust yourself out of the closet?"

"Go play with Lilinette." Was all I could tell her.

Entry 8

It's been about three months since we've bought the flat screen 60 inch high definition T.V for our living room in Hueco Mundo. That T.V broke today.

You see, Yammy and Grimmjow were watching sports on the flat screen, and they put a bet on the teams. (Not like I care. Sports are trash. Bets are too.)

Apparently, Yammy lost his bet… so he punched the flat screen… and broke it… and now Grimmjow is after Yammy's guts.

Secretly, I think all the espasda are after Yammy's guts. (Except me, of course. T.V is trash.) The only reason that the rest of the espasda aren't beating Yammy into a bloody pulp is because they have too much pride to do so.

Entry 9

All of Barragan's fracción are trash.

The first one, Charlotte, is so obsessed with himself that he would marry himself if he had the chance. I can't even have my trashy fracción around him when he releases. Do you realize how revealing that skirt is?

The second one says 'exacta' too much. I think he would have been a teacher if he was still alive.

The third one, Abirama, can fly. How can he fly if his wings are made of steel? I'll go ask Szayel about it.

The fourth one, Po, is fat. He needs to go on a diet.

The fifth one can jump. Elephants can't jump.

The sixth one, Ggio Vegas, is weird. When he releases, his entire body grows bigger, but his head stays the same size. You have got no idea how funny that looks.

REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND GIVE ME SOME IDEAS!!!!!!!!

AND THANKS TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED!!!!


	4. vampires

WARNING!!!! SPOILERS IN ENTRY 15!!!!!

Entry 10

My trashy fracción bought a wii.

She bought this game called Super Smash Bros. Brawl. The last boss on the game, Tabuu, has an attack where he shoots lasers out of his eyes. This is a comment trashy fracción and Lilinette had while they were fighting Tabuu.

Lilinette: "Whoa! He shoots lasers out of his eyes!"

My trashy fracción: "Seriously?! I thought it was coming out of his nose!"

Entry 11

I think that you people on 'fanfiction' are trying to give my trashy fracción a heart attack. She checked her 'reviews' for her 'story' and then had a heart attack.

Funny. She's only got eight reviews.

Entry 12

It has come to my attention that some of you people on 'fanfiction' think that I have a crush on my trashy fracción. You people have sick minds.

Entry 13

Gin bought a new brand of butter today. It's called 'I can't believe it's not butter'. If it's not butter, then what is it?

Entry 14

I will call my trashy fraccón by her name now. Calling her 'trashy fracción' is taking up too much space in my journal. Also, it is wasting too much ink from my pen.

Entry 15

"Ulqi-kun, what's your blood type?" Ai asked.

"AB", I answered.

"Ha! I knew it!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you release, you become a vampire!"

"I do not become a vampire."

"Well, half vampire. After all, you can walk in the sun and stuff."

"What is your point?"

"Well, Aporro told me that different blood types can't get mixed together. Like how A can only get A, and how B can only get B, and how O can only get O, and how AB can get A, B, O or AB."

"So?"

"Well, something tells me that a vampire doesn't check what the blood type is of the person they're… drinking from. They don't check because they're blood type is AB and that means that they can have any blood that they want!"

"Ai?"

"Yes, Ulqi-kun?"

"Did you have something to drink last night?"

THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!

REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!

IDEAS ARE WELCOME!!!!

IF YOU DON'T GET ENTRY 15, TELL ME!!! (IN A REVIEW WOULD BE NICE)


	5. All knowing monk

Entry 16

FYI, I thank you people for 'reviewing'. Your 'reviews' get Ai off my back.

Well, at least for an hour.

Entry 17

"If life gives you lemons, squirt them in someone's eye." - Ai Kirai*

You could mistake Ai for being one of those all-knowing monks.

I'm dead serious about that.

Entry 18

"Ulquiorra!"

"Gin."

"I heard that you started to call your fracción by her name."

"… Gin?"

"Yes?"

"If the 'butter' you bought wasn't really butter, then what was it?"

Gin grinned and then shunpoed away without answering.

He needs to learn some manners.

Entry 19

In one of Ai's reviews, someone said that I am like a dog.

I am not a dog. Dogs can't write in journals.

Also, what's 'Twilight'?

Entry 20

You know that little paper clip/office assistant you have on Microsoft word?

Yeah. Those annoy me.

Entry 21

Oh. Twilight is a book.

That 'Edward' person creeps me out. He's been stalking Bella through out the entire book.

Ai is forcing me to read the entire Twilight series.

Help me.

Entry 22

Ai showed my journal to Grimmjow.

And Grimmjow showed my journal to everyone else.

Excuse me while I go murder Ai.

*Ai means love and Kirai means hate. So her name literaly means 'love hate'.

REVIEW!!!!!!

AND GIMME SOME IDEAS!!!!!

THANKS TO MISTYTAIL FOR THE IDEA FOR ENTRY 22!!!!!!


	6. Emo

Entry 23

Since I can't leave my room without having the espasda point fingers and laugh at me, I am forced to stay in my room and write in this little journal of mine.

And watch trashy T.V shows on the sixty inch television that is in my room.

Entry 24

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"Why haven't you been calling me by my nickname?"

"What nickname?"

"Trashy fracción."

"That wasn't a nickname."

"Oh. Then what was it?"

"… A title."

Entry 25

Why is it that people won't review a story until they are asked to do so?

Entry 26

There is this trashy shinigami named 'Ichigo'.

Apparently, 'Ichigo' beat Grimmjow in a fight while he was in the human world.

So now Grimmjow is obsessed with eating strawberries.

"HA HA HA HA! I'm eating you, Ichigo! What are you gonna do about it?!"

I think Grimmjow needs to switch therapists.

Entry 27

Aaroniero argues with himself.

Who says that two heads are better than one?

Entry 28

Gin had a crush on someone while he was in soul society. Her name was 'Rangiku'. He has a picture of her on his nightstand.

Don't tell him I wrote that.

Entry 29

Ai graffiti-ed 'emo' on the wall of my room.

What does 'emo' mean?

More importantly, since when did she know how to graffiti?

Entry 30

Ai is making me watch a trashy show called 'Wonder Pets'.

It was suggested by one of her 'reviewers'.

She's also making me learn how to knit.

This was also suggested by one of her 'reviewers'.

I hate my life.

Entry 31

Ai has covered my room with trash.

Literally.

She most have done it while I was in the bathroom.

It smells in here. She better clean this up.

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!!

IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR THE IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!


	7. Commercials

Entry 32

Commercials annoy me. They are too pointless.

Entry 33

Perfume commercials scare me.

Entry 34

Those little Cinnamon Toast Crunch squares are cannibals, right?

Entry 35

Those kids need to leave Lucky the leprechaun alone.

They should just go buy their own Lucky Charms.

Entry 35

Those kids should just give the rabbit the Trix.

The rabbit would stop stalking them.

Entry 36

I like the Geico commercials.

Their mascot isn't harassed in any way, shape or form.

Unlike all the other mascots out there.

Entry 37

Ronald McDonald seems to be a child molester, if you ask me.

Entry 38

Kool-Aid commercials are creepy.

I mean, how would _**you**_ react if a giant jug of juice bursts through your wall and yells: "OHHHH, YEAH!!"

I would not be happy. That giant jug of juice just broke my wall.

Which I would have to fix.

THANKS TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!

REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	8. Harry Potter

Entry 39

I still can't leave my room.

It still smells like trash in here.

Entry 40

Why is it that people's mouths hang open while they are doing nothing?

Entry 41

I finished the Twilight series today.

I did not like it. Not one bit.

Ai is going to force me to watch the movie.

Save me.

Entry 42

Ai is now forcing me to read the Harry Potter series.

Well, at least it's better than Twilight.*

Entry 43

I have noticed that Aizen-sama is obsessed with drinking tea.

I think that's because Gin puts Sake in Aizen-sama's tea.

Entry 44

I watched the Twilight movie today.

I liked it better than the book.

James is uglier than I imagined.

Entry 45

I can leave my room now.

Huh. That didn't sound as epic as I wanted it to.

Entry 46

I was watching Ai and Lilinette play Super Smash Bros. Brawl again, and I noticed that Mario's moustache is black, but his hair is brown.

Why is that?

Entry 47

There's this guy in a Greek myth that was called 'Narcissus'.

See, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection that was in the water.

Either Narcissus was gay, or he looked like a girl.

*Of course he would like Harry Potter more than Twilight. Something tells me that Ulquiorra doesn't like love stories.

THANKS TO THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED!!!!!!!!!

WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME SOME IDEAS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

P.S SORRY FOR WRITTING 'ENTRY 35' TWICE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!


	9. Meeting

Entry 48

One of Ai's reviewers asked if I have ever cooked anything. The answer is no.

Well, until today. I made chocolate chip brownies.

Entry 49

As you know, I have started knitting.

I ran out of yarn today.

I'll ask Aizen-sama if I can go to the human world to go buy more yarn after tomorrow's meeting.

Entry 50

The meeting went the same as it always did.

Stark was sleeping.

Barragan was mumbling something about world domination.

Harribel was actually listening, unlike all the other espasda.

Nnoitra was grinning to himself. Don't ask me what he was grinning about.

Grimmjow was mumbling; "I'm going to kill you, Korusaki!"

Zommari was meditating.

Szayel was reading a Shakespeare play.

Aaroniero was arguing with himself.

Yammy was picking his fingernails.

I wonder if Aizen-sama ever notices that basically no one ever pays attention during meetings.

After the meeting, I asked Aizen-sama if I could go to the human world. He agreed, as long as I

1.) kept tabs on Korusaki and his friends

2.) buy him more tea

Entry 51

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"Take me with you!"

"Where?"

"To the human world!"

"Why would I do that?"

"'Cuz then I'll cry."

"No."

"Yes."

"… Fine. But don't do any thing stupid."

"You can count on that!"

"I find it hard to believe you."

Entry 52

Me and Ai left for the human world yesterday.

"Wow! Ulqi-kun, let's go to the mall!"

This was going to be a long day.

THANKS TO MY AWSOME REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO THANKS TO _**QUEEN ESPASDA, EL QUE LLORA, HENTY1993**_ AND _**DRAGONMAIDEN50 **_FOR THE IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!

I'LL GIVE YOU ULQIORRA'S HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE CHIP BROWNIES IF YOU GIVE ME IDEAS AND REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. Mall

Entry 53

Ai got directions to the mall from a local. We're headed to there right now. Ai is currently reading from the sheet of directions the local gave her.

"Ok, take a right on Hinoiri*, then a left on Bara*, then strait on Higure* and there's the mall."

Fortunately, by the time me and Ai arrived at the mall, the mall was getting ready to close.

Unfortunately, Ai insisted that we spend the night camping in front of the mall like a bunch of hobos.

Entry 54

Currently, I am at the mall, shopping with Ai.

I don't think you people on 'fanfiction' realize how hard it is to walk and write in a journal at the same time.

We went to this trashy place called 'Game Stop'. "It's like heaven!" Ai said when she entered the video game store.

Ai is one of the biggest Game Freaks that you will ever meet. I'm dead serious about that.

So we spent half an hour at Game Stop. In the end, she bought a game called 'Super Mario Galaxy'.

She made me carry the bag which contained the game.

Entry 55

It has been three hours after we went to game stop, and Ai has already bought 12 shirts, 8 pairs of pants, 7 skirts, and a jacket.

Why would she want a jacket when it's July?

She made me carry all her bags too. Isn't she supposed to be my servant?

Entry 56

"Get a girlfriend!" Ai told me while I was following her around Mace's. She was probably sick of me following her around like a lost puppy.

You should've seen the looks people were throwing us.

I would have gladly left her alone, but she spent all of her money and needed mine.

I don't think I'm going to have enough money to buy Aizen-sama's tea.

Or my yarn.

Entry 57

I managed to sneak away from Ai, so I went to go buy my yarn and Aizen-sama's tea.

When I got back to Ai, she was walking and talking with a raven haired girl and an orange haired girl.

From their descriptions, I realized that they were Kurosaki's friends.

Ai had made friends with the enemy.

*Hinoiri means sunset, bara means rose and higure means dusk.

Does Japan even have street names?

ULQIORRA'S HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES TO **QUEEN ESPASDA, KRAZYPUPPY8, NEKOANGEL31 **AND **EL QUE LLORA**!!!!!!


	11. Charlie the unicorn

Entry 58

I pulled Ai away from her newly found 'friends'.

"What?!" she yelled at me.

"Do you realize who they are?"

"Yeah. Orihime and Rukia."

"They are Korusaki's friends."

"Ok. So?"

"Will you keep tabs on them?"

"Hmm… ok!"

"Good."

Entry 59

Seeing that I already bought the things I needed, I decided to buy these things called a 'laptop' and a 'cell phone'.

Ai bought a cell phone too.

Ai said that she would 'text' me if she found any thing interesting.

What is a 'text'?

Entry 60

Huh. That rhymed.

Anyway, I got my self a hotel room, dragged all of Ai's bags to the room and started to surf the net with my new laptop.

I found this site called 'YouTube'.

It is trash.

YouTube is full of videos made by people who have no lives.

Perfect example: the guy who made 'Charlie the unicorn'.

In Charlie is a unicorn, there is a unicorn named Charlie, and apparently,

1. he is the banana king

2. he is being stalked by these two blue and red unicorns

3. he went to candy mountain

4. his kidney was cut out

5. then it was put on a snowman

6. starfishes love him

7. there is a singing montage in every Charlie the unicorn episode

8. he has a vortex in his back

9. he had to grab the blue and red horses tongues

10. He is a constant downer.

If I cared, I would feel bad for Charlie.

But I like the song in 'Charlie the unicorn 3'.

Is it me, or is that song like the Pokerap they had at the end of old Pokemon episodes?

*GETS DOWN ON KNEES* IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!

**ALSO, ULQI-KUN'S HOMEBAKED BROWNIES FOR: HENTY1993, NEKOANGEL31, LEMONAD, EL QUE LLORA, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CHILLIS AND DRAGONMAIDEN50!!!!!!! **


	12. Hot Topic

Entry 61

'YouTube' also has trashy music videos.

There is this thing called 'rap'.

I think they use it to torture victims.

Entry 62

Ai sent me a text. She wants to come to the mall ASAP.

What does ASAP mean?

More importantly, how do I reply?

Entry 62

I'm at the mall now.

Kurosaki's friends left because they felt the presence of a hollow.

Oh, the irony.

Entry 63

There is this store called 'Hot Topic'.

You will not believe this. They have Charlie the unicorn merchandise.

They have Twilight stuff too.

And the people who work there are weird too. They keep asking me how I got the tear marks on my face. They are not tear marks.

After I left the store, they started stalking me too.

But I still like that place for some unfathomable reason.

Entry 64

"Ai."

"Yes, Ulqi-kun?"

"There are people behind you."

"Yeah. So?"

"They are whistling at you."

"… Ok …"

"You don't get that they're being… perverted, do you?"

"Nope~!"

When I get back to Las Noches, I'm going to have Ai take an IQ test.

Entry 64

There is this store called 'Victoria's Secret'.

I think Charlotte Coolhorn would like that place.

Entry 65

"Ulqi-kun, how can you eat when there is a hole in your neck?"

"The answer is too complex for you to comprehend."

Remember that I talked about McDonald's?

Yeah. We went there today. And had 'Big Macs'.

I'm going to sue McDonalds for having bad food.

I'm going to invent a burger. It will be called the Cifer Burger.

IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

**CIFER BURGERS TO: HENTY1993, NEKOANGLE31 AND CHILLIS!!!!!**

(Tell me if you like the brownies better)


	13. L

Entry 66

You people seem to like my cooking.

Maybe I should open my own restaurant…

Entry 67

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"You almost left me in the living world!"

"Be glad that I didn't."

Entry 68

Ai took her IQ test today.

She passed.

I think she cheated on it.

Entry 69

Aizen-sama said that I got him the wrong kind of tea.

But it doesn't matter, because Aizen-sama is now obsessed with soda.

I think he's addicted to the caffeine in them.

Entry 70

Ai thinks that she's funny.

She stole my clothes and forced me to wear these clothes that she bought for me in the world of the living.

"Ha! You look like L now!" she commented.

Who is this 'L' person?

She also bought me this apron that says 'kiss the cook'.

Entry 71

I never explained what the yarn was for, did I?

I was making a scarf. I can hide my hollow hole now.

Entry 72

This may not sound like much, but the strangest thing happened today.

Ai adopted a puppy. I don't know where she found him.

She named him skelepuppy, because he is half skeleton.

To be honest, I kind of like him.

THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS!!!!

IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**CIFER BURGERS AND BROWNIES TO: CHILLIS, EL QUE LLORA, ITASASODEI, QUEEN ESPASDA, HENTY1993, LEMONAD AND NEKOANGEL31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	14. Galaxy

Entry 73

As I have said before, Ai is a Game Freak.

Since she is a Game Freak, she MUST play her new video games 24-freaking-7.

And to be honest, I think I'm influencing from them.

Entry 74

Remember Skelepuppy?

Yeah. He made friends with Yammy's dog, Yippy.

Entry 75

One of Ai's favorite games is Super Mario Galaxy.

Personally, I think the game is trash.

When you start up the game, Mario says 'Super Mario Galaxy!' like he's high or something. He's probably high off mushrooms.

Entry 76

Is Mario Mexican or Italian?

Entry 77

Luigi is underappreciated.

Also, is he younger or older than Mario?

Entry 78

In Galaxy there is this girl named Rosalina.

Personally, I think Mario should dump Peach and stay with Rosalina.

After all, Rosalina has never been kidnapped by Bowser.

Entry 79

Apparently, Bowser has a son.

Who's the mother?

Entry 80

I think the only reason Bowser kidnaps Peach so much is because he has nothing else to do.

He should spend some father/son with his son.

Entry 81

Ai wants to know if 'flames' can be counted as 'reviews'.

Also, I have invented a milk shake.

I need a name for it.

Also, I made a birthday cake for henty1993 and nekoangel31.

(If you tell me your b-day, I can have Ulqi-kun make cakes for you too!)

REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**BROWNIES AND CIFER BURGERS TO: DRAGONMAIDEN50, LEMONAD, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31, HENTY1993, QUEEN ESPASDA AND EL QUE LLORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	15. Guitar hero

Entry 82

Ok, so now I have 'Ulqiberry smoothies' and 'Ulqishakes'.

Also, I made a late birthday cake for Chillis.

Entry 83

"Uh, Ulquiorra?"

"Yes, Gin?"

"Why is the T.V busted?"

*flashback*

"Ha! Ulqi-kun sucks at guitar hero!" Ai said.

BOOM!!

(A/N Ulquiorra cero-ed the T.V)

*end flashback*

"It's none of your business, Gin."

Entry 84

"Ai."

"Yes?"

"Where is my journal?"

"Oh. I'm selling your diary on e-bay."

Good thing I canceled the auction before somebody bought it…

Entry 85

Have you heard?

Japanese people are the best 'tourists'.

Entry 86

Public bathrooms are creepy.

They're creepier than perfume commercials.

Entry 87

You people on fanfiction are still calling my journal a 'diary'.

It's not a diary. Diaries are private.

Since my journal is in the internet, it is not private.

So stop calling my journal a 'diary'.

Or else.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

**ULQIBERRY SMOOTHIES AND ULQISHAKES FOR: AWIZZIRE, LLSNOWBIRDLL, CHILLIS, LILI AND RAYRAY, NEKOANGEL31, HENTY1993, ITASASODEI AND DRAGONMAIDEN50!!!!!!!!!!! **


	16. 7 deadly sins

Entry 88

You people on fanfiction are all smart alecks.

How about this: guys don't keep diaries.

Ok. End of diary/journal discussion.

Entry 89

"Ulqi-kun?"

"What?"

"Are you and Grimmy buddies?"

(A/N 'Grimmy' is Ai's nickname for Grimmjow)

"No. Never ask a question as stupid as that again."

Entry 90

I wonder why Nnoitra never got a glass eye.

Entry 91

I was staring at my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows book today and I was thinking: 'I am not reading all that crap… today'.

Entry 92

"Ai? What are you doing?"

"Drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows."

"It's July."

"So?! Is there a law that says that you can't have hot chocolate in July?!"

Entry 93

Overview of the homunculi from Full Metal Alchemist (manga):

Lust was burned to a crisp

Envy committed suicide

Sloth was killed by two muscled men

Wrath disappeared

Greed's trying to take over the world with Lin's body

Gluttony got eaten by Pride

Pride ate Kimbly, and who knows what happened after that?

**HOT CHOCOLATE WITH MARSHMELLOWS FOR: DRAGONMAIDEN50, CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31, KRAZYPUPPY8 AND X-WHITEMAGIC58-X!!!!!!!!!**


	17. Emo cupcake

Entry 94

YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME!

Hmmm. That was really out of character.

Anyway, I was surfing the Net today, when I decided to go on fanfiction.

HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE WRITE THOSE KINDS OF THINGS WITH ME AND AIZEN-SAMA… OR GRIMMJOW?!?!?!

You people have no shame.

Entry 95

I noticed romance stories on fanfiction get more reviews than any other genre.

Why? Romance is trash.

Entry 96

"Ai."

"Yes, Ulqi-kun?"

"Your cupcake is burned."

"No, it's black."

"How is it black without it being burned?"

"Well, I was making vanilla cupcakes, and then I realized that white is a really boring color. So then I took different food colorings and mixed them together to make black. Then I added the black food coloring to my cupcake mix."

"And now you have black vanilla cupcakes."

"Yep! I call them 'Emo cupcakes'! Do you want one?"

"… Sure."

Entry 97

Skelepuppy peed on Aizen-sama's favorite chair.

You should have seen the look on Aizen-sama's face.

Entry 98

Yes, Chillis.

Aizen-sama is secretly half Spanish.

IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**EMO CUPCAKES FOR: HENTY1993, JIROUCHIHA, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, DRAGONMAIDEN50, SAKURA OTOME, MISTYTAIL, NEKOANGEL31 AND CHILLIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	18. Baby pictures

Entry 99

I'm going to give you people a salad in order to make you healthy.

Now, would you like ranch, or Italian dressing?

Entry 100

Wow. Triple digit entry.

I feel proud of my self for some odd reason.

Entry 101

Oh. Grimmjow rox my sox, I told Ai that you said hi.

Huh. That rhymed.

Entry 102

I hear that New Moon is coming out.

I'm going to watch it, mainly because Edward isn't in it this time.

Entry 103

Ai found some thing very interesting today.

They were baby pictures of all the espasda, Gin, Tosen, and Aizen-sama.

Stark was sleeping in his picture.

Barragan was sitting in a chair, waving a rattle in the air.

Harribel was in a wadding pool, splashing. She looked kind of cute, actually…

I was in a vampire Halloween costume.

Nnoitra was in a pirate costume.

Grimmjow was playing with a kitten.

Zommari was carving a pumpkin.

Szayel was playing with a toy chemistry set.

Aaroniero was hiding behind a mask.

Yammy was watching boxing on TV, while drooling.

Gin was playing with a fox plushie.

Tosen was playing with a flag.

Aizen-sama was laughing.

Entry 104

Ai's got a crush on that trashy shinigami 'Ichigo'.

Isn't my life hard enough?

THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!!!!

IDEAS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SALADS WITH RANCH OR ITALIAN DRESSING FOR: SCRAPPYCOCA, HENTY1993, JIROUCHIHA, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, EMOTIVE GOTHICA, CRIMSONSHARPIE, LLSNOWBIRDLL, TOO LAZY TO LOG IN, I DON'T WANT CUPID VIRUS, NEKOANGEL31, DRAGONMAIDEN50, CHILLIS AND ITASASODEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	19. Barbie

Entry 105

Grimmjow heard about Ai's little crush too.

And he's not happy. Not one bit.

Entry 106

"Why do you like him?" I asked Ai.

"… 'Cuz he's got nice eyes."

"You're insane."

Entry 107

"Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"I hear that your fracción has a crush on Ichigo."

"…"

"I feel your pain." Aizen-sama said.

Entry 108

"So, do you still like him?" I asked Ai.

"Yes." She answered.

I think one of my nerves are going to explode…

Entry 109

To get my mind off things, I started to watch trashy Barbie videos on YouTube.

Apparently, Ai VIDEOTAPED me watching those videos. And then showed it to every single espasda.

Entry 110

I found a Barbie doll on my chair today. It had a note next to it that said; 'love, Aizen'.

He's kidding, right?

It's a cruel, practical joke, right?

_AN: SHOULD I MAKE ICHIGO AND AI GO ON A DATE OR SOMETHING? 'CUZ I'M NOT ALL THAT GOOD WITH THE ROMANCE STUFF…_

**STRAWBERRY BANANA MILKSHAKES FOR: SAKURA OTOME, KRAZYPUPPY8. CRIMSONSHARPIE, N, DRAGONMAIDEN50, CHILLIS, BLEACHED FIGHTER, NEKOANGEL31, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ARCEE-CHAN, HENTY1993, L1TERAL1INTERPRETATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	20. Date

Entry 111

Bad news: the Barbie doll thing wasn't a joke

Entry 112

Somehow, Ai has gotten a date with Ichigo.

(AN: you are about to see Ulquiorra's imagination. If you don't want to be mentally scarred, skip this and go to the next entry)

*Ai holding her sword to Ichigo's throat while cornering him in a dark ally*

"Go out with me!"

Ichigo: "O-Okay."

Entry 113

Ai and Ichigo have their date today.

Me and Grimmjow are going to tag along.

Entry 114

They went to the movies.

And then went to dinner.

Least to say, it was one of the most boring days of my life.

But Ai looked like she had fun.

Grimmjow did too. Maybe that's because he dumped a bowl of soup over Ichigo's head.

That soup costed 30 dollars—it was really fancy soup.

Entry 115

Lilinette was threatening Ai to 'spill' about what happened during her date.

What's there to 'spill'? Does she know about the soup?

Entry 116

I was chatting with Orihime online and she kept typing things that made no sense.

Like this: 3  ): ^-^ XD :D 

Teenagers. They are too much trouble to deal with.

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

**THIRTY DOLLAR SOUP FOR: CRIMSONSHARPIE, ORSENNA, NEKOANGEL31, MOMO – TOSHIRO, CHILLIS, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, EL QUE LLORA AND JIROUCHIHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	21. Werewolf

Entry 117

Good news: Ai was doesn't have a crush on Ichigo any more.

Bad news: since Ai doesn't have a crush on Ichigo, me and Grimmjow can't put operation 'destroy Ichigo' in action.

Entry 118

I asked why Ai didn't have a crush on Ichigo any more.

"He seemed uncomfortable during our date." She replied.

Maybe that's because me and Grimmjow were looming over them the entire time.

"Besides, Hime likes him." she added after a while.

Hime? Oh. That Orihime girl.

Entry 119

If someone gets bitten by a vampire they turn into a vampire.

If someone gets bitten by a werewolf they turn into a werewolf.

So what would happen if a vampire got bitten by a werewolf, or if a werewolf got bitten by a vampire?

Entry 120

Oh, Fullmetal Alchemist came up with a new anime in April.

I've been watching it lately.

I don't think I'll be able to watch Hughes and Nina die again…

Entry 121

I just realized, Edward from Twilight and Edward from Fullmetal Alchemist have the same name.

And to think, those two are polar opposites.

Entry 122

Ah, remember that I said that I finished the Harry Potter series?

Yeah. The last book was really disappointing.

I guess that's not saying much, considering that I was expecting Harry to die.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**OH, NO!! I DIDN'T MENTION ANY FOOD THIS CHAPTER… UH… OK… HERE!!!! REVIEWERS GET… GIANT COOKIES!!!!**

**GIANT COOKIES FOR: RYOKOKALINCHAN, KHARE, MYAHLE, ORSENNA, CRIMSONSHARPIE, CHILLIS, DRAGONMAIDEN50, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX AND ARCEE-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	22. Spoons

Entry 123

123. Ha-ha.

… Anyway…

On a side note: me and Grimmjow can still put operation 'crush Ichigo' in action.

We're using 'he broke Ai's heart' as an excuse.

One of Ai's reviewers pointed this out.

Entry 124

Nnoitra ran out of money.

So now he's selling spoons in the black market.

Entry 125

I read this story on fanfiction where the author made my fracción a six year old girl.

I'm kind of grateful that Ai is a teenager now…

Entry 126

Nnoitra ran out of spoons to sell in the black market.

So now he has to go to the human world and get a part time job so he can go buy more spoons to sell in the black market.

Was that a run on sentence?

Entry 127

The weirdest thing happened when I woke up this morning.

When I woke up, I saw that my nails were green and pink.

How did that happen?

Entry 128

… I'm learning how to ride a bike.

Except it's kind of hard to ride a bike in sand.

I might need to go to the human world to learn…

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**NACHOS FOR: SCRAPPY COCA, ORSENNA, CRIMSONSHARPIE, CHILLIS, MYAHLE, MOMO – TOSHIRO, JIROUCHIHA, EL QUE LLORA, ARCEE-CHAN, DRAGONMAIDEN50, LUVANIME17 AND HENTY1993!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	23. Poke

Entry 129

*poke*

*poke*

*poke*

*poke*

*poke*

*poke*

"That's one poke too many, Ai."

Entry 130

Gin bought a claw-catcher-machine-thing.

You know the thing with the claw and then you attempt to grab a doll inside the machine with the claw.

Anyway, Ai caught this stuffed lion thing. Its name was Kon.

"What kind of trash is this?" I asked Ai.

She shrugged.

"Take it to Szayel for examinations."

You should've heard how loud that doll yelled.

Entry 131

"Ulqi-kun?"

"Yes, Ai?"

"Where do babies come from?"

"… Look it up online."

Entry 132

Remember that Kon thing?

Yeah. We made him into Skelepuppy's chew toy.

Entry 133

*Ai waves profusely back to Grimmjow rox my sox*

Is it possible for an espasda to get beat up by a six year old?

Also, what is a fangirl?

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PLEASE)

**STUFFED LION THINGS FOR: CHILLIS, CRIMSONSHARPIE, LUVANIME17, MOMO – TOSHIRO, 9ER9ER102, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, MYAHLE, JIROUCHIHA, EL QUE LLORA, HENTY1993 NEKOANGEL31, ANABLACK0516, AND FULLMETALGIRL65!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	24. Duck tape

Entry 134

Ah. Me and Ai are going to the human world.

Wish me luck.

Entry 135

I swear, if Ai keeps furiously waving at you like that, she's going to break her arm.

And Ai says hi. I do too.

Why? Because she's forcing me to.

Entry 136

Ai is insisting that we take an air plane to the human world.

I know one thing for sure: I am not paying for the tickets.

Entry 137

Ai is trying to stuff Skelepuppy in one of her suit cases.

Isn't that animal abuse?

Entry 138

So me and Ai are on the plane right now.

There were these flight attendants who gave us peanuts.

I'm allergic to peanuts.

Entry 139

Air planes are by far the best thing mankind has ever created.

Well, besides duck tape.

Entry 140

I asked Ai where she got the money for first class plane tickets.

"Aizen's credit card."

Aizen-sama is going to kill me when he finds out about this.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**PEANUTS FOR: NEKOANGEL31 AND REANDOMPERSONWHOLIKESBLEACH, MYAHLE, CRIMSONWOLF333, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, HENTY1993, EOIN, CRIMSONSHARPIE AND CHILLIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	25. China

Entry 141

Our flight landed.

It took longer than I expected.

Entry 142

You know, I all ways thought that Ai had bought tickets for us to fly to Ichigo's trashy home town.

She bought tickets for us to go to CHINA.

Entry 143

Guess what?

Nnoitra came to China with us.

Yep. He snuck aboard the plane.

I just hope that he didn't bring Grimmjow with him…

Entry 144

I just realized; Grimmjow is probably putting operation 'crush Ichigo' in action with out me.

Remind me to kill him when I get back to Hueco Mundo.

Entry 145

Since we're in China, we decided to go see the great wall.

Entry 146

I wonder why the call the great wall one of the world's 7 wonders.

After all, it was man-made.

But the Egyptian pyramids were also man-made…

I hope Ai doesn't drag me Egypt next…

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**GREAT WALL OF CHINA SUVIONERS FOR: CRIMSONSHARPIE, CHILLIS, HENRY, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, ITASASODEI, MISTYTAIL AND NEKOANGEL31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	26. Hong Kong

(AN: people can't see Ulqi-kun's hollow hole. He's wearing his scarf to cover it.)

Entry 147

We went to the Hong Kong Ocean Park.

Trust me; it's a lot more interesting than it sounds.

Entry 148

We went to visit the pandas there first.

To be honest, they were kind of cute.

Every thing was fine until Ai fell into the panda enclosure.

You should have seen the look on the pandas' faces. They cocked they're heads to the side and had a look on they're faces that said; "What the heck is this? Where did it come from? The sky?"

And Nnoitra video taped it all.

Entry 149

We visited the 'Dinosaur-now and then' exhibit after that.

They had this animal called the Chinese sturgeon. People say that they have lived at the same time as the dinosaurs.

"I bet Aizen's older than them." Ai commented.

I hope Nnoitra didn't video tape that.

Entry 149

The Hong Kong Ocean Park also had two dolphins that were created by artificial means.

"Hey Ulqi-kun, weren't YOU created by artificial means?" Ai asked me.

"No, I was just artificially created into a hollow."

"… What?"

"Never mind…"

Entry 150

And of course, me, Ai and Nnoitra went on the roller coaster and such.

I don't like roller coasters. Not one bit.

REVIEWS WOULD BE NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**PANDA PLUSHIES FOR: CRIMSONSHARPIE, CHILLIS, RYOKOKALINCHAN, NEKOANGEL31, CRIMSONW, JIROUCHIHA, HENTY1993, MISTYTAIL AND X-WHITEMAGIC58-X!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	27. Forgot

Entry 151

"Wow! They have really fancy spoons here!"

I dare you to guess who said that.

Entry 152

Me, Ai and Nnoitra are currently in our five star hotel rooms.

This is being paid for by Aizen-sama's credit card.

I'm on fanfiction for some odd reason.

I've noticed that you people are always paring me up with 'Orihime'.

… Wait. Isn't Orihime Ai's friend?

Ai has got a lot of explaining to do.

Entry 153

I. want. To. Go. Home. NOW.

Entry 154

So me and Ai are on the plane and are ready to go back to Hueco Mundo.

I can't help but feel like we forgot something though. Oh well. It's probably nothing.

Entry 155

So me and Ai are back in Hueco Mundo.

And to be honest, I don't think that anyone noticed that we were gone.

I feel so un-loved.

Wow. I actually felt an emotion.

Entry 156

I realized why I felt like we forgot something in China.

We forgot Nnoitra. Whoops.

**FANCY SPOONS FOR: CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31, MOMO – TOSHIRO, FULLMETALGIRL65/HITSUS_GIRL, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, ARCEE-CHAN, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CRIMSONSHARPIE AND MISTYTAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	28. Hijacked

(AN: Ai and Ulqi-kun is going shoping with one of their reviewers this chapter)

Entry 157

Hi, people!

You must be thinking: 'wow, this is really out of character for Ulquiorra.'

Well, this isn't Ulqi-kun! This is the lovely Ai Kirai speaking!

I hijacked Ulqi-kun's diary 'cuz I knew he would make my shopping trip with Kimi-chan sound boring.

(Kimi-chan is the reviewer who wanted to go shopping with me.)

Entry 158

Me and Kimi-chan dragged Ulqi-kun to the mall.

We took him to Hot Topic.

Entry 159

The people from Hot Topic are stalking Ulqi-kun again.

He doesn't look too happy about it.

Entry 160

"Ai?"

"Yeah, Kimi-chan?"

"Don't you think that Ulqi-kun needs a girlfriend?"

"Well, Ulqi-kun has a crush on Harribel."

"No, I don't." Ulqi-kun said.

"Yes you do! Admit it and you'll feel better about it!"

Entry 161

*Ulqi-kun looks at Kimi-chan's shirt. (It says 'Hinamori Momo's biggest fan' on it)*

"Hinamori Momo…?" Ulqi-kun asked.

"Yep! She's awesome!" Kimi-chan said.

"She is trash."

*Kimi-chan gets a tick mark on her head*

"I dare you to say that again."

"I'd rather not…"

Yay! Kimi-chan scares Ulqi-kun!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**FANCY CHOCOLATES FOR: NEKOANGEL31, CRIMSONSHARPIE, MOMO – TOSHIRO, CHILLIS, RYOKOKALINCHAN, GRIMMICH (X7), X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MISTYTAIL, HENTY1993, HITSUS_GIRL AND SHINIGAMIKARASU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1**


	29. London

Entry 162

As you know, Ai hijacked my journal.

I need to take better care of this thing.

Entry 163

So me and Ai are in London.

Why? Because… well, Ai wants to hang out with another reviewer.

I just hope that Ai doesn't drag me to Mexico or something.

Entry 164

Ai's reviewer, Madison, took us to this Farris wheel called the London Eye.

Why do they call it that?

Entry 165

I just realized why I don't like roller coasters or ferries wheels.

I don't like heights.

Entry 166

Madison also took us to this place called 'Camden High Street'.

It's a freak show there. There are people walking around in MANKINI.

"See, Ulqi-kun! You totally fit in here!" Madison said.

I do not. I am not a freak show.

Entry 167

We went to the Tate Modern art museum.

They have a bed made of bread there.

Note to self: don't take Yammy to the Tate Modern museum.

Entry 168

Ai thought that it would be funny to punch one of the Queen's guards in the face.

So then the guard ended up chasing Ai for a few blocks.

But then the guard had to go back to his post.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(AN: WHAT'S STORY ALERT? IS IT A BAD THING? I KEEP GETTING THOSE…)

**LONDON SOUVENIRS FOR: CRIMSONSHARPIE, MOMO – TOSHIRO, CHILLIS, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, RYOKOKALINCHAN, GRIMMICH, ARCEE-CHAN, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, DRAGONMAIDEN50, FULLMETALGIRL65, X NIHILO AND GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	30. Churros

Entry 169

Randompersonwholikesbleach, I do not need to shave. Don't stick that idea in Ai's head.

Entry 170

Me and Ai are in Mexico now.

Yeah, we're just traveling around the entire freaking world.

Entry 171

Guess what?

One of Ai's reviewers is here.

Her name is Citlali.

(It means star in Nahuatl).

Entry 172

Hmm. Since we're in Mexico, I guess I should get Aizen-sama a souvenir.

Entry 173

We're in this little town called Tequila.

They have this drink here that's called Tequila.

Huh, the town is named after a drink.

Or is it the drink named after the town?

I'm confusing my self…

Entry 174

We're having churros.

With hot chocolate.

"See?! People have hot chocolate in the summer here!"

Isn't it hot in Mexico year round…?

Entry 175

When me and Ai had to leave, Citlali hugged us SO hard…

I think I broke a few ribs.

(AN: Churros are like donuts. Only they aren't round. Oh! And thanks for answering my question!)

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**CURROS FOR: MOMO – TOSHIRO, CHILLIS, GRIMMICH, ITASASODEI, CRIMSONW, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, RANDOMPERSONWHOLIKESBLEACH, HENTY1993, FULLMETALGIRL65, MISTYTAIL AND NEKOANGEL31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	31. Roots

Entry 176

… We're in Romania.

I bet you weren't expecting that.

Entry 177

Yeah. One of Ai's reviewers, Tristan is here.

I swear; Ai has reviewers all around the freaking world…

I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Entry 178

You will not believe this.

I'm Romanian.

See, my great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was Dracula.

And Dracula was from Romania.

So… that might be the reason why my release from looks like a vampire…

Entry 179

Tristan and Ai are fraternal twins.

I'm not kidding.

Those two act exactly alike.

Excuse me while I throw up.

Entry 180

If there's one thing I'd like to say about Romania, it's this: they have a lot of castles.

And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(AN: If you want Ulqi-kun to go to Canada, you have to give ideas for what he and Ai will do over there. As for Ulqi-kun's fear of heights... well, he just is, OK?)

**VAMPIRE PLUSHIES FOR: ANARCHY-OYAKU-31, ANIMEFREAK7504, CHILLIS, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CRIMSONWOLF333, DANCINGSUSHI, GRIMMICH, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, DRAGONMAIDEN50 (X2), MISTYTAIL, HENTY1993, CRIMSONSHARPIE AND FULLMETALGIRL65!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	32. Canada

Entry 181

Wow. I never realized how many of Ai's reviewers lived in Canada.

This is too much of a convenience.

Entry 182

We went to see a hockey game.

I have one thing to say about them: they are violent.

I think Grimmjow and Nnoitra would like this sport.

Entry 183

We went to Ottawa.

Canada's entire government is there.

I better get Ai out of here before she does something stupid like… assassinating Canada's prime minister.

Entry 184

"Ai, what are you eating?"

"Beaver's tail!"

That poor beaver…*

Entry 185

OMIGOSHULQI-KUNTHERESAGAMERSCONENTIONWEHAVETOGOTHERE!

Yeah. I have no idea what she said either.

Entry 186

Since most of you people on fanfiction mentioned it, we went to Niagara Falls.

And it is BIG.

And when I say big, I also mean high.

And we're standing on the top…

I wonder if a fall from this height will be enough to kill me…

*it's not an actual beaver's tail. It's actually a fried dough pastry that's hand

Stretched to resemble a beaver's tail. Ulqi-kun doesn't know the difference though.

**T-SHIRT'S THAT SAY "ULQUIORRA AND AI WENT TO CANADA AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT" FOR: NEKOANGEL31, ITASASODEI, RYOKOKALINCHAN, THE DISILLUSIONED (X2), CHILLIS, CRIMSONW, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, GRIMMICH, ARCEE-CHAN, EMOTIVE GOTHIKA, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, GKANDA, MISTYTAIL, FULLMETALGIRL65 AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	33. A tiny suburb

Entry 187

We're in this little Texas suburb that's next to Dallas.

And I mean it when I say that there is absolutely NOTHING here.

So why did Ai drag me here?

Entry 188

We're visiting one of Ai's reviewers.

How does Ai know where everyone lives?

Entry 189

"Kellie?" (That's the reviewer's name)

"Yes, Ai?" (Ai is my trashy fracción. But you already knew that.)

"Can I assassinate your president?"

OK, what is it with Ai assassinating important people?

Entry 190

Ai and Kellie went to the mall.

I stayed home with Kellie's sisters.

Big mistake.

Those two are demons! They're scarier than Charlotte and his skirt!

How does Kellie manage to survive with them?

On the other hand, Kellie's not all that sane…

Entry 191

There's Twilight stuff in Kellie's house.

COME ON! IS EVERYONE IN THIS TRASHY WORLD A TWILIGHT FAN?

I'm being very 'OOC'.

(I learned that word on fanfiction.)

Entry 192

On a side note, I wonder if Grimmjow has carried out 'operation: crush Ichigo.'

He probably has.

I am going to murder that cat once I get back to Hueco Mundo.

**DANG… THERE'S NOTHING IN THIS SUBURB…**

**OH!!! OK, YOU GUYS GET… CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKES FOR: EMOTIVE GOTHIKA, HENTY1993 (X2), GKANDA, DRAGONMAIDEN50, CHILLIS, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, SONI758, WHITE TIGERESS 18 (X2), NEKOANGEL31, FALLEN-FIRE-DEMON, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, GRIMMICH, ANIMEFREAK7574 (x2), X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, FULLMETALGIRL65, MISTYTAIL, KAI-CHAN94, MIYUKIXTOUSHITOU (x2) AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	34. Powerpuff Girls Z

Entry 193

We're in the Philippians.

Traveling around the world is getting very annoying…

Entry 194

We have this tour guide named Zel, and she showed us this thing named 'Chocolate hills'.

You should have seen how disappointed Ai looked when she found out that the falls weren't made out of chocolate.

Entry 195

Hey, isn't the Philippians where 'Powerpuff Girls Z' was created?

And trust me, if you had a trashy fracción who doesn't act her age, you would know what 'Powerpuff Girls Z' is.

Hey.

I know some of you people are rolling your eyes.

Stop it. Right now.

Entry 196

I think I'm getting a little paranoid.

You want to know why?

Well, I keep seeing Gin peeking at me and Ai while he's standing behind trees and buildings.

But it can't be Gin. How would he be able to come to the Philippians?

Entry 197

"We're going home."

"But I wanna see the rest of the Philippians!"

"Too bad."

"But I wanna see New York!"

"No. besides, we went over the limit on Aizen-sama's credit card."

"Oh. Whoops."

Entry 198

How am I going to pay Aizen-sama's debt?

… Maybe I can sell Nnoitra's spoon collection.

For all I know, he could still be in China.

Oh, well. I just hope Aizen-sama doesn't figure out it was me.

"**Ulqi-kun!"**

"**What?"**

"**You must hug the reviewers!"**

"**Why?"**

"'**Cuz they are awesome."**

"…"

**HUGS FROM ULQI-KUN FOR: CHILLIS, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, NEKOANGEL31, ANIMEFREAK7574, ARCEE-CHAN, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, WHITE TIGERESS 18, HENTY 1993, GRIMMICH, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, ORSENNA AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11**


	35. Stalking

Entry 198

So me and Ai are back in Hueco Mundo.

I never knew that I would miss this place so much…

Entry 199

I think I'm being stalked… I swear… I can hear the Jaws theme in the background…

And it's not Gin this time.

Entry 200

We had a meeting today.

"Ok, who has been using my credit card to buy air plane tickets?" Aizen-sama asked.

"Ulquiorra!" Gin yelled.

"No, it can't be Ulquiorra. He wouldn't do something as irresponsible as that." Aizen-sama replied.

Well, it's half right. Ai was the one using his credit card.

Entry 201

Remember I mentioned that I thought I was being stalked?

Yeah. I have proof now.

The stalker broke into my room, stole my laptop, and changed my wall paper into a picture of… of… me… and… Grimmjow…

I have to go wash my eyes.

Entry 202

I can't figure out how to change my wall paper back.

Entry 203

Ok, I'm hiding my laptop so none of the espasda will be able to see the picture of me… and… Grimmjow…

Oh, it's just so horrible…

RVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**A HUG FROM AI FOR: CHILLIS, FALLEN-FIRE-DEMON, ANIMEFREAK7574, NEKOANGEL31, EMOTIVE GOTHIKA, GRIMMICH, GRIMMJOW ROZ MY SOX, DRAGONMAIDEN50, HENTY1993, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	36. Ebay

Entry 204

Oh. Excuse me while I go beat Grimmjow into a bloody pulp.

Why do I need to do this?

Because he carried out 'operation: crush Ichigo' without me.

I feel so betrayed.

Entry 205

I figured out who my stalker is.

She calls herself 'Megs-chan'.

She went back to New York today.

After we gave her Grimmjow as a personal servant.

She can keep him for all I care.

Entry 206

I still need to pay off Aizen-sama's credit card debt.

And I am not going on a game show.*

So don't ask me to.

… I think I'll sell Ai on EBay.

Is it possible to sell a person on EBay?

Oh, well. Whatever.

The bidding starts at 5,000 yen.

Entry 207

"Ulquiorra?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Have you seen Grimmjow around lately?"

"No, sir."

"I see. Carry on."

How come Aizen-sama noticed that Grimmjow was gone, when he didn't notice that I was gone?

*Yeah, you're not going on a game show... yet.

**APPLE PIES FOR: CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ITASASODEI, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, JOHN, JOHNNY90210, ANIMEFREAK7574, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, KRYSTALT3ARZ, HENTY1993, SHINIGAMIKARASU, CRIMSONSHARPIE, WHITE TIGERESS 18, FULLMETALGIRL 18 AND MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU (X2)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	37. The spoon is back

Entry 208

Nnoitra some how made it back to Hueco Mundo.

Just when I got rid of Grimmjow…

Entry 209

"Ulqi-kun, you kneed to take an art class!" Ai declared.

"… As long as it's not in Iceland or somewhere like that." I replied.

Entry 210

So my art class is in Karakura.

And guess who's IN my class?

Rukia Kuchiki. And her brother Byakuya.

The world just hates me, doesn't it?

Entry 211

For the entire class period, the teacher was yelling at the Kuchiki's to turn of their cell phones.

Also known as 'hollow pagers'.

Entry 212

I don't think that I learned anything in that art class.

But, I met this Quincy who was… an exceptional weaver.

I'll have to learn some of his secrets.

Entry 213

Guess what?

Grimmjow sent a post card from New York.

He's standing next to The Statue of Liberty with Megs-chan.

Entry 214

Skelepuppy ruined that Kon plushie.

Good thing that I can sew it back together.

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IDEAS ARE WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**COOKIE DOUGH ICECREAM FOR: DRAGONMAIDEN50 (X2), ANIMEFREAK7574, CHILLIS, WHITE TIGERESS 18, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, NEKOANGEL31, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CRIMSONWOLF333, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, JOHN, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU AND CRIMSON SHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	38. Speed date

Entry 215

Ai is trying to make me go 'speed dating'.

This isn't going to end well…

Entry 216

Guess who my date is.

It's Rangiku Matsumoto.

Gin is going to murder me.

Entry 217

"Ai, I cannot go to Soul Society. Therefore, I cannot go on my speed date."

"Don't worry! We can bring her here!"

"… You're an idiot."

Entry 218

I have my speed date today.

Ai made me wear a tuxedo.

Entry 219

So here's what happened: we had a fancy dinner and Rangiku was talking about something or other.

Rangiku did all the talking.

Yeah, I'm anti-social like that.

Entry 220

As it turns out, Gin and Ai were listening in on my 'date'.

And Gin was just about ready to cry.

"She didn't mention me at all!" Gin wailed.

… I can't believe that Gin is actually my boss.

Or at least one of my bosses.

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**60 INCH PLASMA TVS FOR: KRYSTALT3ARZ, ORSENNA, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CHILLIS, RYOKOKALINCHAN, ANIMEFREK7574, TWI-HOSTER GIRL (X5), GRIMMICH (X3), XXCLEARSAKURAXX, DRAGONMAIDEN50, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993, NEKOANGEL31 AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	39. Poor puppy

Entry 221

I don't get it. Why are you people saying 'poor Gin'?

Gin doesn't have an insane trashy fracción that is ruining basically every minute of his life.

Entry 222

You people on fanfiction have been typing '& l t ;' at the end of your reviews. Does that mean some thing, or is it a mistake?

Entry 223

"Hey Ai, guess what?!"

"What is it Lilinette?"

"Starrk's name sounds like stalk!"

"Hmm… Starrk, stalk, Starrk, stalk… omigosh, they DO sound alike!"

Entry 224

"Ulqi-kun, what's 1 + 1?"

"2."

"No, it's window!"

Either Ai is a complete idiot, or she is from the future, where 1 + 1 equals window.

I'm going to go with 'Ai is a complete idiot'.

Entry 225

I was watching these shows called South Park and Family Guy, and… well… they were trash.

On the other hand, Ai was laughing so hard that she was crying.

Although, I don't think Ai knew what was going on half the time.

Entry 226

We were playing fetch with Skelepuppy today.

I think some of Ai's stupid-ness rubbed off on him though.

Either that, or Skelepuppy doesn't know the difference between a stick, and someone's pants.

That poor, poor puppy.

**10** **INCH MINI LAPTOPS FOR: WHITE TIGERESS 18, CHILLIS, KRYSTALT3ARZ, DRAGON MAIDEN50, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, ANIMEFREAK7574, LULUKIRYU, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, NEKOANGEL31, GRIMMICH AND CROMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	40. Japan's got talent

Entry 227

FYI, Skelepuppy stole Szayel's pants.

Entry 228

I don't want you people on 'fanfiction' to feel bad or anything, but your reviews make Ai cry.

… Oh, wait. They're tears of joy.

Entry 229

I was on YouTube again.

And I was watching a bunch of these rants done by this squirrel named 'Foamy'.

And you know what? He is one smart squirrel.

Entry 230

"Ulqi-kun?"

"What?"

"When is Megs-chan going to return Grimmy?"

"… I think she is going to keep him."

Entry 231

"Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Gin is insisting that you have been using my credit card."

"… Do you believe him?"

"No. he's probably just upset that you went on a date with Rangiku."

And then Aizen-sama walked away.

Entry 232

Ai and Lynette were watching 'American idol' in my room.

"Ulqi-kun, you should try out!"

"No."

"Ok, how about 'Britain's got talent?'"

"No. I'm not British OR American."

"Too bad there's not a 'Japanese idol' or a 'Japan's got talent', Right?" Lynette said.

Oh, Lynette. Don't give Ai any ideas.

**PEACH COBBELER FOR: KRYSALT3ARX, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, NEKOANGLE31, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, ANACRY-OTAKU-13, CHILLIS, SCORPIO115, DRAGONMAIDEN50, IDONTSEEPENGUINS, THEYARENEXT, SHIZENOKU (X3), X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, ANIMEFREAK7574, HENTY1993 AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	41. Despair

Entry 233

Since you asked so nicely, Kellie, I have decided to give you Ggio.

Now, would anyone like to buy Charlotte?

Entry 234

If anyone sees Grimmjow, please return him to Megs-chan.

Entry 235

You know, I'm really surprised that I'm alive right now.

I mean, I was expecting Gin to murder me a few days ago.

Oh, well. I guess that I shouldn't remind him…

Entry 236

Ai was baking a cake.

I dare you to guess what happend.

... The cake blew up in the oven.

Entry 237

"Ulquiorra."

" Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"I wish to see what you have written in your diary."

Oh, no.

"Umm… well… you see…"

"I see what?"

"Well… I right very private thoughts and feelings in my journal. I would appreciate it if you don't read them."

"Oh. Alright."

That was close…

Entry 238

"Ulqi-kun?"

"What?"

"Isn't Nnoitra the espasda of despair?"

"Yeah. So?"

"I dunno… he doesn't seem to be in despair to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I was expecting him to walk around with a skull in his hand and him reciting emo poetry and playing the organ in his room."

Hmm. Maybe Nnoitra has his own version of being in despair?

**BITS OF AI'S BLOWN UP CAKE FOR: DRAGONMAIDEN50, MISTYTAIL, ANIMEFREAK7574, CHILLIS, THEYARENEXT, KRYSTALT3ARZ, NEKOANGEL31, ITASASODEI, CRIMSONWOLF333, IDONTSEEPENGUINS, ANARCHY-OYAKU-13, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, JIROUCHIHA, HENTY1993, DUDETHATWASBORED, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU WHITE TIGERESS 18AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	42. Busted

Entry 239

Yo, peoplez!

Guess who this is.

Yup, it's me, Gin!

I'm going to go show this thing to Aizen to prove that I was right!

Entry 240

"Gin? Is that Ulqi-kun's diary?"

"Yeah… so?"

"No! You can't show Ulqi-kun's diary to Aizen!"

"Too bad!"

That's when Ai cero-ed Gin in the face.

P.S This is Ulquiorra writing this.

Entry 241

Bad news.

Even though Ai cero-ed Gin, he still got to show my journal to Aizen-sama.

I'm screwed.

(AN: Ai's cero is immature, like Lynette's.)

Entry 242

Me and Aizen-sama were in his office.

"Ulquiorra, I read your diary."

"It's a journal, sir."

"Yeah, whatever. Ulquiorra, do you know what this means?"

"That I'm going to be severely punished?"

"Yeah. But I can't think of a suitable punishment for you. I'll give you your punishment later. You may leave now."

Entry 243

(2 weeks later)

Guess what my punishment was.

I… I had to sing and dance to Michael Jackson songs.

After that, he... he made me sing the E.M.O song!

All the espasda and their fracción watched.

AND Nnoitra video taped it.

**VIDEOTAPES OF ULQI-KUN'S 'CONCERT' FOR: TWI-HOSTER GIRL, CRIMSONWOLF333, WHITE TIGERESS 18, KRYSALT3ARZ, CRIMSONSHARPIE, MISTYTAIL, CHILLIS, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, XXMISTERESS-SENDA-SCHIFFERXX, ANIMEFREAK7574, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, DRAGONMAIDEN50, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX (X2), X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, NEKOANGEL31 AND GRIMMICH (X3)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	43. Thriller

Entry 244

Guess what I found as the featured video on YouTube.

Yeah. It was the video of my 'concert'.

Entry 245

I shouldn't have gone all-out on the video.

I did the moon walk; I sung in his voice, I even did the whole "OW!" thing.

How could this get any worse?

Entry 246

I jinxed myself.

It got worse.

Ai was selling copies of videos to people.

You people are weird. Why would you want to own a video of me singing and dancing Michael Jackson songs?

Entry 247

"Guess what, Ulqi-kun!"

"You finally sold all the videos of my punishment?"

"Yeah! And guess how much money we got from them?"

"… How much?"

"Enough to pay off Aizen's debt!"

Well, that's ONE good thing.

Entry 248

Guess what Gin's new ring tone is.

It's 'Thriller'.

Excuse me while I go kill Gin.

Entry 249

Megs-chan, we need Grimmjow back.

Aizen-sama started to put up 'lost cat' signs around Las Noches.

**DOWNLOADS FOR THE SONG 'THRILLER' FOR: GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, CHILLIS, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, SCORPIO113, CRIMSONSHARPIE, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, MISTYTAIL, DRAGONMAIDEN50, ALOONYTOONY, KRYSALT3ARZ, ALYIAROCKS (X7), CRIMSONWO AND ANIMEFREAK7574!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	44. Clothes

Entry 250

I beat Gin to a bloody pulp yesterday.

(I couldn't kill him because he's Aizen-sama's second in command).

Entry 251

Gin has an accomplice.

It's Nnoitra.

*sigh*

I bet the universe hates me because I'm awesome…

Entry 252

Guess what I found this morning.

Yeah. My closet filled with Michael Jackson's clothes.

Now, either I wear those clothes, or I walk around Las Noches in my PJ's.

I might as well wear the weird guy's clothes…

Entry 253

Ha-ha, universe.

I used my awesome knitting skills to make myself more clothes.

Now I can burn all these weird clothes…

Entry 254

"Ulqi-kun, since I'm dead, and I have flesh, does that mean that I have dead flesh?" Ai asked me during breakfast.

I don't fell like eating my breakfast any more…

Entry 255

Ai wants me to play this game called 'Truth or Dare' with all the other espasda.

This isn't going to end well.

(AN: if you have ideas for the 'Truth or Dare' game, I'd love to hear them! And please… I need some ideas…)

**PAPER CLIP NECKLACES FOR: HENTY1993 (X2), GRMMICH, CHILLIS, CRIMSONSHARPIE, FLOWERSSUNSHINE, XXCLEARSAKURAXX, CRIMSONWOLF333, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, KRYSTALT3ARZ, EMOTIVE GOTHIKA, ARCEE-CHAN, ANIMEFREAK7574, ORSENNA, ITASASODEI, SCORPIO113, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, MISTYTAIL, TWI-HOSTER GIRL AND NEKOANGEL31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	45. Truth or Dare

Entry 226

Just to let you people on 'fanfiction' know, each truth or dare will have its own entry.

And we're playing in the meeting room.

Entry 227

"Ulquiorra, I dare you to glomp Aizen and tell him he's a cute 'lil neko!"

"... Fine."

I left the meeting room and made my way to Aizen-sama's room.

"Aizen-sama, I am sorry."

"What?"

That's when I glomped him.

"You're a cute lil neko." I told him before Sonido-ing back to the meeting room.

*Back with Aizen*

"I think Ulquiorra needs a therapist…" Aizen mumbled.

Entry 228

"Barragan, I dare you to tell Charlotte to dress like a guy!"

"Humph. I tell him that everyday."

"Oh. Dang. Then…sing the Pokemon theme song! "

"Which one?"

"Uh… the first one."

I didn't know Barragan could sing. Or that he knew the lyrics to the first Pokemon theme song.

Entry 229

"Grimmjow, do you ever lick your self clean?"

"… I'm not answering that."

"Fine. Then you have to watch Charlotte strip dance."

"WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO! I LICK MYSELF CLEAN!"

Entry 230

"Nnoitra, what's your deepest, darkest secret?"

"… I like Dora the Explorer."

I wish I could have my memory erased.

Entry 231

"Szayel, I dare you to pour milk down a toilet in front of Grimmjow."

"Fine."

Szayel grabbed Grimmjow, left the room, and after a few moments we heard; "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAS THE MILK EVER DONE TO YOU?!?!?!?!"

Entry 232

"Starrk, do you sing in the shower?"

"Did Lynette tell you about that?"

"…"

"Oh. Yeah. I sing in the shower."

Entry 233

"Yammy, I dare you to be Szayel's test subject for a week!"

I don't think Yammy will ever be the same after that.

Entry 234

"Grimmjow, I dare you to kiss Ulquiorra."

I gave Grimmjow 2 black eyes, 4 broken ribs and a broken leg before I left the meeting room.

**PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN CAKES FOR: MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, FULLMETALGIRL65, LUNAROSEMIDNIGHT (X4), X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX (X2), ITASASODEI, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, ANIMEFREAK7574, NEKOANGEL31, CHILLIS, CRIMSONWOLF333, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, INSANE-TATSU, MOMO – TOSHIRO, CRIMSONSHARPIE, GRIMMICH, XXMISTRESS-SENDA-SCHIFFERXX, AND KRYSALT3RAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	46. Byebye

Entry 235

Ai told me that you people on 'fanfiction' want more 'Truth or Dare' chapters.

Well, not right now. Everyone's tired.

Entry 236

I think Yammy's starting to have side effects from his dare.

He's walking around everywhere singing 'I'm too sexy'.

It's usually Charlotte who does these kinds of things.

Entry 237

Megs-chan is upset that she had to give Grimmjow back.

So to make her feel better, I sent Gin to New York yesterday.

Bye-bye, Gin.

Entry 238

Yammy's trying to eat himself.

I guess that's another side effect…

Entry 239

We had a meeting today.

In the middle of the meeting, Yammy pointed at Aizen-sama and screamed; "WATERMELON!!!"

He then tried to eat Aizen-sama.

Entry 240

Ai is having a tea party.

With Yammy.

Grimmjow and Nnoitra took pictures.

Entry 241

Yammy is giving everyone hugs because "hugs make the world go around".

I'm going to hide in my closet.

**WATERMELONS FOR: DRAGONMAIDEN50 (X2), CRIMSONSHARPIE, KRYSALT3ARZ, XXMISTRESS-SENDA-SCHIFFERXX, NEKOANGEL31, BLEACHISMYCRACK116, ALY DEE, CHILLIS, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, WERECAT1903, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993, JIROUCHIA, ANIMEFREAK7574 AND GRIMMICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	47. Hugs

Entry 239

"Ulquiorra!"

"Yammy, if you try to give me a hug, I swear I will shove a tomato down your throat."

He gave me a hug anyway.

Entry 240

Ai and Lilinette were playing Super Smash Bros Brawl again.

Ai was Sonic the hedgehog, and Lynnette was Snake.

When Lilinette did Snake's taunt, Hailbel walked into the room.

"Wow… is Lynnette playing as a hobo?" Hailbel asked, referring to the fact that Snake was under a box.

Entry 240

"Ulqi-kun, you need a girlfriend!"

"I don't want one."

"Why?! You and Tia-chan would look nice with each other."

That's when I walked away.

Entry 242

Grimmjow and Nnoitra were having a conversation.

"Nnoitra, have you ever had a hallucination before?"

"Yeah. Once, I thought I saw Elvis Presley and Cameron Diaz having a cocktail party in my bathtub."

"Aww! Why didn't you invite me to your cocktail party?"

"Grimmjow, it was a hallucination. It wasn't real."

"That's what YOU think."

Grimmjow really has his mind open to possibilities, doesn't he?

**HUGS FROM YAMMY FOR:** **MIYUKIXTOUSHIRO, KRYSALT3RAZ, DRAGONMAIDEN50, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, XXMISTERESS-SENDA-SCHIFFERXX, CHILLIS, CRIMSONSHARPIE, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, NEKOANGEL31, WERECAT1903, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, SHADED-STRIKE, FLOWERSSHUNSHINE, INSANE-TATSU, XXCLEARSAKURAXX AND ANIMEFREAK7574!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	48. Evil

Entry 243

So I was in my room, reading this book called Vladimir Todd: Eighth Grade Bites, when Ai suddenly kicks down the door to my room and yells: "THIS IS MADNESS! THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

And then she leaves to go bother someone else.

Entry 244

I was watching Ai play one of her video games.

The video game was from the Final Fantasy series.

I really like Sephiroth. It's too bad that he's evil.

Oh, wait. I'm 'evil' too.

I guess this means evil guys are cool…

Entry 245

"Ai?"

"Yes, Ulqi-kun?"

"What happened to all the tomatoes?"

"Well… I saw Yammy eating them yesterday."

That explains a lot.

Entry 246

"Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"What happened to Gin?"

"… I sent him to New York."

"I see. Carry on."

I never knew Aizen-sama knew what New York was.

**TOMATOES FOR: KRYSALT3RAZ, CRIMSONSHARPIE, CRIMSONWOLF333, MISTYTAIL, ANIMEFREAK7574, CHILLIS, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, DRAGONMAIDEN50, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, LOVE RANDOME, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, WERECAT1903, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU AND GRIMMICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11**


	49. Skelekitty

Entry 247

Skelepuppy is getting lonely.

I should get him a friend…

Entry 248

Meet Skelepuppy's new friend.

His name is Skelekitty.

They better play nice.

Entry 249

Skelekitty thinks he's a dog.

Seriously.

He chases his tail and barks at everything that moves.

And I mean it when I said that he barks.

Entry 250

"Ha-ha, Ulquiorra. It looks like your cat is having an identity crisis." Nnoitra said.

"Sick him, Skelekitty." I said while pointing to Nnoitra.

"ROAR!"

Wow. Skelekitty can roar. Who would have guessed that?

Entry 251

"Ulquiorra, your stupid cat stole my cat toys!" Grimmjow complained.

"Cat toys?"

"I swear, there's a good reason why I have them."

"Yeah, right."

Entry 252

I really like Skelekitty.

Even though he insists on howling at the moon with Skelepuppy.

Which is pretty much 24/7…

**CAT TOYS FOR: SHADED-STRIKE, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, CRIMSONWOLF333, ANIMEFREAK7574, MISTYTAIL, KRYSALT3RAZ, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31 (X2), WERECAT1903, CRIMSONSHARPIE, DRAGONMAIDEN50 AND MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	50. 587 reviews

Entry 253

Remember Ai's reviewer from London? Madison?

Yeah. I got a gift from her today.

It's a MANKINI.

I'm going to go burn it.

Entry 254

Ai thinks that the world is trying to screw her.

"It's just impossible! How can I possibly have 587 reviews?! Would THAT many people want to read Ulqi-kun's diary?!"

I guess it's useless to tell Ai that this isn't a diary.

Entry 255

"Hey Ulqi-kun, guess what?"

"The world is trying to screw you?"

"Well… no. Lynette is Starrk's feminine side!"

Isn't that kind of obvious?

Entry 256

Grimmjow got a recipe for apple pie from Megs-chan.

Ai tried to bake it.

And… well, it exploded in the oven.

How is that possible?

Entry 257

We just watched the second transformers movie.

Now Ai is paranoid about cars transforming and then exploding things.

Wait… there aren't any cars in Hueco Mundo.

**"Hello my fabulous reviewers! As thanks of the awesome reviews I shall give you all… A HUG!"**

**"Great. Just don't crush them."**

**"Shut up, Ulqi-kun! I won't crush my awsomely fantasic great cool smart fabulous super duper reviewers!"**

**HUGS FROM AI FOR: MISTYTAIL, XXMISTRESS-SENDA-SCIFFERXX, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, CHILLIS, ANIMEFREAK7574, KRYSALT3RAZ, CRIMSONSHARPIE, DRAGONMAIDEN50, CRIMSONWORLF333, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ITASASODEI, SHADED-STRIKE, WERECAT1903, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993, J, NEKOANGEL31, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, FLOWERSSUNSHINE, DANCINGSUSHI AND GRIMMICH (X3)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	51. Bunny

Entry 258

I just realized, this is kind of turning into a blog.

Maybe Ai should change the title of this 'story'.

But… 'The diary blog journal of Ulquiorra Cifer' sounds weird.

And long.

Entry 259

(AN: Fanfiction wouldn't let me upload the actual bunny.)

**This is Bunny. Copy and paste him onto your profile to help him gain world domination**

I saw these on a lot of people's profiles.

But I have to admit, it's kind of cute.

Wait… why would you want a bunny to rule the world?

It could be easily assassinated.

Entry 260

Yesterday, I was watching the music video for p!ink's 'So what'.

I have the part where she goes 'na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na' stuck in my head.

P.S: if you don't know this song, go look it up on YouTube.

Entry 261

Ai is having trouble with her cell phone.

"What?! What do you mean that it won't connect?!"

*Ai jabs her hand with her cell phone in the air*

"CONNECT!!!!"

Hmm. Maybe the reception in Hueco Mundo is bad.

**I HOPE YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A BUNNY!**

**BUNNIES FOR: CRIMSONWOLF333, KRYSALT3RAZ, WERECAT1903, ANIMEFREAK7574, DRAGONMAIDEN50, NEKOANGEL31, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, MISTYTAIL, HENTY1993, CHILLIS, GRIMMICH, SHADED-STRIKE, CRIMSONSHARPIE, ITASASODEI AND ANARCHY-OTAKU-13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	52. Transformers

Entry 262

I had Szayel modify ALL electrical items so that that they would 'transform'.

Entry 263

Ai was texting someone or another when her phone transformed on her.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S FINNALY HAPPENING! WE HAVE TO GO TAKE SHELTER!"

Ai then proceeded to hide in my closet for three days.

Entry 264

"Ulquiorra, Gin is still in New York, correct?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama."

"Hmm. Is he still seeing his therapist?"

"I don't think so, sir."

"Oh. That's bad…"

Aizen-sama then walked away while mumbling about how the world will end in 15 days because Gin isn't seeing his therapist.

Entry 265

"Ulqi-kun, does Aizen like to run over old ladies?"

"No. Why?"

"Because there a lot of fanfics that says that Aizen likes to run over old ladies."

"Well, that's stupid. Aizen-sama doesn't even know how to drive."

Entry 266

I got this Cologne from Megs-chan.

Ever since I started to wear it, Skelekitty has been following me…

And Grimmjow's stalking me.

I think I'll stop wearing it…

Entry 267

Guess what?

Szayel forgot to deactivate all the electronic items.

So they are still 'transforming'.

And now they have united and are trying to take over Hueco Mundo.

I'm going to go hide in my closet.

**TRANSFORMING PHONES FOR: NEKOANGEL31, MISTYTAIL, KRYSALT3RAZ, CRIMSONSHARPIE, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, ANIMEFREAK7574, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, CHILLIS, WERECAT1903, DRAGONMAIDEN50, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993, ULQI-CHAN 3, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX (X2) AND J NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	53. A pretty ballerina

Entry 268

I got a nasty surprise this morning.

Grimmjow was sleeping next to me when I woke up.

"Grimmjow, what the heck are you doing?"

"You smell so nice…"

Oh, yeah. I am defiantly not wearing that cologne anymore…

Entry 269

The transformers have tied Aizen-sama on a stake.

They're about to light him on fire.

I think now is a good time to go the human world.

Entry 270

Me and Ai went back to the tiny suburb.

You know, since nothing happens there.

Entry 271

We're staying at Kellie's house.

Since we don't know anyone else besides this weird dorky kid who calls herself 'lamekirby'.

Seriously, what kind of person calls herself 'lamekirby'?

Entry 272

We're at Kellie's house.

"Ai?"

"Yes, Kellie?"

"Why is Ulqi-kun wearing a dress?"

"Because one of my reviewers wanted him to!"

I hate to say it, but I look like a pretty little ballerina.

I don't like looking like a pretty little ballerina.

Entry 273

I wonder how Kellie is able to live with her sisters.

They're like… demons.

Tiny demons that go to grade school…

Entry 274

I got a text from Starrk.

He told me that the transformers ran out of batteries.

So Aizen-sama didn't burn at a stake.

**COLOGNE THAT ATTRACTS CATS FOR: ANIMEFREAK7574, SHADED-STRIKE, MISTYTAIL, KRYSALT3RAZ, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ANARCHRY-OTAKU-13, MOMO – TOSHIRO, SCORPIO113, NEKOANGEL31, WERECAT1903, CHILLIS, ARCEE-CHAN, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX AND CRIMSONSHARPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	54. Elbow

Entry 275

"Ulquiorra, did you leave me to burn at a stake yesterday?"

"Yes, sir."

"You do realize that you should be punished for this, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright then. Your punishment is to… spray that cat clogene all over your room!"

And some people wonder if Aizen-sama is really evil.

Entry 276

Grimmjow is wearing a dress.

He looks prettier than me…

Entry 277

Ai was trying to lick cake batter off her elbow.

"Forget it, Ai. It's impossible for people like you."

"Yeah?! I wanna see YOU lick YOUR elbow!"

"Fine."

I then proceeded to rip my arm off and then like the elbow of my detached arm.

But Ai didn't see, since she fainted.

I guess Ai doesn't know that I can regenerate myself.

Entry 278

"Check it out, Ulquiorra! I'm prettier than you!"

"Sick him." I told Skelepuppy and Skelekitty.

"NOOOOO! I'm too pretty to be eaten by two dogs!"

No, he was going to be eaten by one dog, and one cat with an identity crisis.

**PICTURES OF ULQI-KUN AND GRIMMY IN DRESSES FOR: GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, TWI-HOSTER GIRL (X2), MISTYTAIL, SHADED-STRIKE, SCORPIO113, CRIMSONSHARPIE, ANIMEFREAK7574, WERECAT1903, CHILLIS, NEKOANGEL31, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, KAZES, ARCEE-CHAN, X-WHILEMAGIC58-X, KRYSALT3RAZ, HENTY1993 AND MIYUKIXTOYSHIROU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	55. Microwaves

Entry 279

You know, I never knew there were so many cats in Hueco Mundo.

I also didn't know that they were able to open door, and go in to my room.

Entry 280

I have to get my room disinfected…

Entry 281

You know what I don't get?

When someone favorites a story, and doesn't review it.

If you love the story so much, then you should review it.

Wait… I'm being a hypocrite.

Entry 282

"Whoa! Ulqi-kun, your arm grew back!"

"No duh, Ai."

Entry 283

The kitchen exploded today.

And it's not Ai's fault.

It's Yammy's.

See, he did something to the microwave, and then the microwave busted into flames.

This is what Aizen-sama had to say about it;

"Good job, Yammy! No we can go buy a new microwave!"

I'm starting to loose my respect for Aizen-sama.

Entry 284

"What happened to Ggio?" Barragan asked.

"Oh. He's at some crazy fangirl's house." I answered.

"I see. What's a fangirl?"

Does he really want to know that?

AN: Suscribe! School's starting, so I'll be updating at random times.

**MICROWAVES FOR: HENTY1993 (X2), SHADED-STRIKE, CRIMSONSHARPIE, MISTYTAIL, CHILLIS, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, ANIMEFREAK7574, NEKOANGEL31, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, KRYSALT3RAZ, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, ARCEE-CHAN, WHITETIGERESS18, DRAGONMAIDEN50, DEMONIC DOG ANGEL, MOMO – TOSHIRO, BLACK DRAGOM41 (X21) AND MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	56. Slang

Entry 285

Ai is trying to blow up all the schools on earth.

Why?

Because the schools are preventing Ai's favorite fanfics from being updated on a regular basis.

Entry 286

Aizen-sama bought a new microwave.

Guess what color it is.

… Yeah. It's white.

Entry 287

"You have… FARIY GODPARENTS!!!!"

That was Ai's impression of Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Odd Parents.

Entry 288

Ai painted a corner of my room black.

Then she put a sign next to it that said: 'Ulqi-kun's emo corner; do not touch.'

Ai thinks she's funny.

Entry 289

Slang is weird.

Why would you want to call your friends 'dog' or 'homie'?

Your friends are not dogs or homes.

People are weird…

Entry 290

Grimmjow's eating strawberry shortcake.

He looks so happy…

…Which is kind of creeping me out.

**STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES FOR: BLACK DRAGON 41 (X35), MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, SHADED-STRIKE, CHILLIS, MISTYTAIL, DANCING SUSHI, LOVEHIM1024, MOMO – TOSHIRO, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, LYDIACATFISH, WERECAT1903, CRIMSONSHARPIE, ANIMEFREAK7574, DRAGONMAIDEN50, CRIMSONWOLF333, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, SILVERMOON123, ITASASODEI, KRYSALT3RAZ, KAWAIIKITTEY, KOU FRANSISCO, AISIANMOONLIGHT, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13 AND LIZZ2935 (X2)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	57. Grimmjow's punishment

Entry 291

Grimmjow is sitting in my emo corner.

Excuse me while I go cero his face off.

Entry 292

I went into Grimmjow's room today.

(Don't ask why)

Guess what I found in there.

I found keys to my room.

I'm going to go kill him…

Entry 293

Bad news.

I can't kill Grimmjow.

There are two reasons why.

1. He is an 'important' part of Aizen-sama's army.

2. All of Grimmjow's fangirls would kill me.

Wait… me and Grimmjow usually have the same fangirls…

Entry 294

Since I couldn't kill Grimmjow, I had to come up with something else.

Entry 295

I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I did something that's worse than death to Grimmjow.

But I don't want to scar you.

So I don't want to tell you what I did.

See? I actually kind of care about you people.

**PENCILS FOR: WERECAT1903, CHILLIS, MISTYTAIL, ANIMEFREAK7574, CRIMSONSHARPIE, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, AISIANMOONLIGHT, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, KRYSALT3RAZ, LIZZ2975, HENTY1993, SAKURA OTUME, SILVERMOON123, BLACK DRAGON 41 AND MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1**


	58. Hydrophobic

Entry 296

Yeah, I have a heart.

It surprises me too.

Entry 297

It seems that you people are literally dying from not knowing what I did to Grimmjow.

So I tell you what I did, just so you won't die.

See? I just showed that I care about you people again.

Entry 298

Grimmjow is hydrophobic.

That means that he's afraid of water.

So I did the worst thing anyone can ever do to him.

I pushed him into a lake.

Yeah, there are lakes in Hueco Mundo.

Did I mention that there were Hollow piranhas in the lake?

I didn't? Well, there were.

And Hollow piranhas really exist.

Entry 299

Who keeps giving the keys to my room to Grimmjow?

Grimmjow went into my room and stole my underwear as revenge.

I think Grimmjow needs to switch therapists.

Again.

Entry 300

I think I'll re-launch 'Operation: crush Ichigo' again.

Why? Because there's nothing to do in Hueco Mundo right now.

**KEYS TO ULQI-KUN'S ROOM FOR: MISTYTAIL, DRAGONMAIDEN50, ITASASODEI, KAWIIKITTEY, KRYSALT3RAZ, CRIMSONSHARPIE, SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, CHILLIS, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, ARCEE-CHAN, ANIMEFREAK7574, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXYOUSHIROU, SILVERMOON123, DLACK DRAGON41, AISIANMOONLIGHT AND LIZZ2795!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	59. Yoai

Entry 301

"Ulquiorra, what the freak happened to Telsa?!" Nnoitra yelled at me.

"I gave him to a random fangirl."

"WHAT?!"

*with Telsa and the fangirl*

"Telsa-san! Would you like more cookies?"

"Yes, please!"

*back in Hueco Mundo*

Don't ask me how I know what's going on with Telsa and the fangirl.

Entry 302

"Ulquiorra, why are Gin and some girl in the kitchen baking cookies?"

"The girl is Megs-chan. She's using our kitchen because her college dorm doesn't have one."

"Oh. Well… OK."

Entry 302

"Ai, we're going to Karakura."

"Mmmkay! Let me pack my things!"

Entry 303

FYI, me and Ai are in Karakura right now.

I have to go find that trashy shinigami Ichigo.

Entry 304

Ai found Ichigo while he was in school.

She barged into his class room while they were in the middle of their lesson.

The teacher pointed at Ai.

"Ichigo, who is that?"

"I'm his ex-girlfriend!" Ai shouted.

That's were I 'kidnapped' Ichigo.

Entry 305

We're back in Hueco Mundo.

I crushed Ichigo by using his one true weakness.

Yoai.

I basically locked him in a room that had it's walls filled with Yoai pictures.

To be honest, I don't even know if he got out of the closet.

**MEGS-CHAN AND GIN'S COOKIES FOR: SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, WERECAT1903, CHILLIS, CRIMSONSHARPIE, GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, MISTYTAIL, BLACKDRAGON41, SHIROTSUKI-TENICHI, ANIMEFREAK7574, SILVERMOON123, KRYSALT3RAZ, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA18 (X2), X-WHITEMAGIC28-X, DRAGONMAIDEN50, HENTY1993, KORUMARU (X3), MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU AND ANARCHY-OTAKU-13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	60. Emocar

Entry 306

Ai got an email from that dorky kid 'lamekirby'.

Apparently, she published her third story on fanfiction.

She's a weird kid…

Entry 307

Did Ai give you people the keys to my room?

Because one day my room was rainbow.

The next it was pink and filled with Barbie dolls.

Then someone trashed it.

Oh. And someone paintball-ed it the other day.

The weird thing is; they all left my 'emo corner' alone.

P.S: Did anyone of you notice that I spelled 'yaoi' wrong last 'chapter'?

Entry 308

Grimmjow's been pretty upset lately.

I'll give him a present to cheer him up.

Entry 309

Guess what my present for Grimmjow was.

… Yeah.

It was cat-nip.

Entry 310

Aizen-sama passed a new rule.

It's 'no one should ever give Grimmjow cat-nip'.

Entry 311

I got a phone call from that trashy shinigami Ichigo.

I wonder how he was able to get out of the closet.

And how he got my cell phone number.

Entry 312

This is what Ichigo said in his phone call:

"Ulquiorra, when I go to Hueco Mundo, I swear that I will beat you to a bloody pulp, you stupid ugly emocar."

He called me an emocar.

That hurt…

**GRIMMJOW ROX MY SOX, LIZZ2975, CHARMANE, WERECAT1903, MISTTAIL, ANIMEFREAK7574, CRIMSONSHARPIE, CHILLIS, SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, SILVERMOON123, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, NEKOANGEL31 (X5), BLACK DRAGON41, GRAGONMAIDEN50, DANCINGSUSHI, LEAH (X3) KAILUNATIC, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, KRYALT3RAZ AND LAME VS COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	61. Sex change

Entry 313

"Ulquiorra."

"What, Szayel?"

"Do you mind if I perform a sex change operation on you?"

"Yes."

"I had a feeling you would say that…"

"You know, you can perform a sex change operation on that trashy shinigami Ichigo."

"Hmm. That is true."

Entry 314

Nnoitra's practically dying.

I swear, he doesn't even remember to breathe if Telsa doesn't remind him.

Entry 315

Ichigo somehow got into Hueco Mundo today.

But he didn't get to me, because as soon as he came into Hueco Mundo, Grimmjow was chasing him and screaming: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M GOING TO EAT YOU, ICHIGO!"

Oh.

Szayel was chasing him too.

He was screaming: "Wait, Grimmjow! Don't eat him! I want to perform a sex change operation on him!"

You know, I think Ichigo deserves this.

Entry 315

"Ulqi-kun?"

"Yeah, Ai?"

"Grimmy ate my ex-boyfriend…"

"Hmm. Should I care?"

"No. I just thought that you would want to know."

Entry 316

I wonder how Grimmjow eats things when he has a hole in his stomach…

I should get Szayel to look into it.

**STRAWBERRIES FOR: MISTYTAIL, SHEIRI, SILVERMOON123, DRAGONMAIDEN50, LIZZ2795, CHILLIS, DAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, NEKOANGEL31, BLACKDRAGON41, SHIROTSUKI-TENICHI, RAEBERRY, SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, CRIMSONWOLF333, KRYSALT3RAZ, WERECAT1903, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, GRIMMJOW SIX AND HALF ESPASDA, KORUMAROU (X2), CRIMSONSHARPIE, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993 (X2), ITASASODEI, ANIMEFREAK7574 (X2), KAZES, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13 AND BLEACHIGO (X3)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	62. Throw up

Entry 317

Grimmjow threw Ichigo up while we were in a meeting.

It was… weird.

And gross.

Entry 318

"Ai."

"Yeah?"

"Grimmjow threw your ex-boyfriend up during the meeting today."

"Cool! Did you video tape it?"

"No. Why would you ask that?"

"Cuz I would have put the video on YouTube."

Entry 319

I got a phone call from Ichigo today.

"Ulquiorra, I'm going to kill your stupid cat."

"Why? What has Skelekitty ever done to you?"

"What? NO! I'm talking about Grimmjow!"

"Fine. I don't care. Just stay away from my cat."

Entry 320

"Aizen-sama, why are you laughing?"

"The image of Grimmjow throwing Korusaki up was so funny. I wish I could have videotaped it and put it on YouTube."

How does Aizen-sama know what YouTube is?

Entry 32

I'm thinking of starting my own band.

I wonder what I should name it…

**KITTENS FOR: MISTYTAIL, WERECAT1903, XXDAZED AND CONFUSEDXX, ANARCHY-OTAKU13, CHILLIS, TWI-HOSTER GIRL (X5), CRIMSONSHARPIE, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, ANIMEFREAK7574, JIROUCHIHA, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, KORUMARU, HENTY1993, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, KRYSALT3RAZ, ASIIANN (X2), BLACK DRAGON 41, KUROTSUKI-TENCHI, LIZZ2975 AND BLEACHIGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	63. Greenight

Entry 322

Someone gave Ai a hollow parrot.

It keeps calling me a 'stupid emocar'.

Entry 323

Skelepuppy and Skelekitty are fighting over that Kon thing.

I wonder what's so special about it…

Entry 324

Aizen-sama wanted to start a YouTube account.

The problem is; he doesn't have an email.

Entry 325

Aizen-sama made an email.

It's .

You can email him if you want to.

Entry 326

I have a name for my band.

I will call it…

Greenight.

It's epic, I know.

Entry 327

Aizen-sama posted his first video on YouTube.

It was a flash animation of Grimmjow throwing up Ichigo.

It has 2,000 views already.

Entry 328

"Ggio, what are you doing?" Barragan asked.

"I'm packing my stuff."

"Why?"

"I'm going to go permanently live with Kellie."

"… You're kidding, right?"

"No. I'll send you a postcard during Christmas."

Kellie must have brain washed Ggio or something.

FYI: Kellie is Ggio biggest fangirl.

**CHRISTMAS POST CARDS FOR: TWI-HOSTER GIRL, WERECAT1903, KRYSALT3RAZ, DRAGONMAIDEN50, SILVERMOON123, CHILLIS, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, ANIMEFREAK7574, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, LIZZ2975, HENTY1993, AZELF1717, CRIMSONSHARPIE, NEKOANGEL31 (X2), BLEACHIGO, LEMONROCKER, BLACK DRAGON41, KUROTSUKI-TENCHI, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, AND ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	64. Aizen's email

Entry 239

It seems that fanfiction wouldn't let me upload Aizen-sama's email last chapter.

Well, that's stupid.

Anyway, it's Aizenruelerofeveryoneandeverything at yahoo. com

Entry 240

Incase you haven't figured out yet, Greenight is supposed to be a parody of Greenday.

Get it?

Night, day.

I crack myself up…

Entry 241

Someone gave Ai a hollow elephant.

I guess we should just turn Hueco Mundo into a zoo.

Entry 242

I never mentioned who was in my band, have I?

Well…

Here it is then:

Me: Guitar, vocals

Grimmjow: Bass, back up vocals

Nnoitra: backing vocals, lead rhythm guitar

Starrk: keyboards, piano, acoustic guitar, trombone, saxophone, backing vocals

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Oh.

And our manager is Ai.

Aizen-sama is jealous.

Entry 243

Guess what?

Aizen-sama has more subscribers than Fred.

He's throwing a party tomorrow…

**ELEPHANTS FOR: HJA0616, SILVERMOON123, TWI-HOSTERGIRL, CHILLIS, ANIMEFREAK7574, ANARCHY-OTAKU-13, KAZES, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, CRIMSONW, MISTYTAIL, KRYSALT3RAZ, X-WHITEMAGI58-X, AZELF1717, BLEACHIGO, HENTY1993, DEEPSEAGUARDIAN95, SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, LIZZ2975, MOYUKIXTOUSHIROU, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78 AND NEKOANGEL31!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	65. Party

Entry 244

Aizen-sama is scared.

Someone sent him one of those chain letters that say that he will die if he doesn't forward it.

"NO! I can't die now! I haven't even taken over Soul Society yet! Or have my 'I beat Fred' party!"

*sigh*

Aizen-sama is so full of hopes and dreams…

Entry 245

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"Greenight doesn't have a drummer! How are we going to play our first gig without a drummer?!"

"Our first gig…?"

"Yeah. At Aizen's 'I beat Fred' party."

"Oh. Well, I'll find a drummer."

Entry 246

Charlotte is running around Hueco Mundo and screaming.

Why?

Because someone rounded up an angry mob to kill him.

Run, Charlotte, run.

Entry 247

I found my drummer.

It's Szayel.

I bet you weren't expecting that.

Entry 248

Aizen-sama is holding his party in Karakura.

Don't ask why.

Entry 249

One of Ai's reviewers donated cakes and such.

There's one laced with cat nip…

Entry 250

How did you people find out where the party was?

Oh, well.

Have fun. Don't eat the cat nip cake.

Entry 249

The good thing about being an incredibly strong espasda: You can threaten bands into giving you their songs.

So now Greenight owns songs from bands such as Greenday, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance; ECT.

**PARTY FAVORS FOR: LULUKIRYU, HJA0616, KAZES, CHILLIS, BLEACHIGO, NEKOANGEL31, ANARCHY-OTAKU 13, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, CRIMSONW, SALLYDESTROYROFWORLDS23, LEAH, KRYSALT3RAZ, BLACK DRAGON41 (X2), KUROTSUKI-TENICHI (X2), ANIMEFREAK7574, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, AZELF1717, MIYKUIXTOUSHIROU, DJESERSETEPENRE-KHARE, , KORUMARU, LEMONROCKER, OBSESSIVEOTAKUGIRL, HENTY1993, SILVERMOON123, LIZZ2795, TESLA-VERRUGA, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND, EMOTIVE GOTHICA, KRIOROKKZ44827CRESENT LUNA MOON, JUST A HAPPY FAN AND PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78 (X3)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	66. Master's degree

Entry 251

Just to let you know, I don't own Greenday, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, ECT.

I'm glad we cleared that up.

Entry 252

I'm planning on firing Szayel.

Why? Because he sucks.

This is what his drumming is like: 'dum diddy dum dum crash bam bang'. Literally.

I'll hold auditions for a new drummer next week or something…

Entry 253

I thought I had a lot of fangirls before but…

I never knew that you get a lot of fangirls if you're the lead singer in a band.

Entry 254

_They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me  
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed  
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose  
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me_

That was the ending lyrics to the song 'Teenagers' by My Chemical Romance.

We played it for our finale…

Entry 255

Didn't I specifically tell you people NOT to eat the cat nip cake?

Sheesh. There's none left for Grimmjow now…

Oh, wait. There's one left.

Grimmjow and a talking black cat are fighting over it.

Entry 256

This Gin's and Aizen-sama's conversation at the party.

"Gin! Where have you been?!"

"I've been going to college."

"… What's a college?"

"It's like the shinigami Academy."

"Oh. When will you be finished?"

"I dunno. Four years, maybe…"

"Four years!? I can't wait for four years to take over Soul Society!"

"Well, either you wait, or I don't get my master's degree."

"What's a 'master's degree'?"

"… Never mind."

**REALLY EXPENSIVE HATS FOR: GRIMMJOW MAKE LOVE HAPPY, EMOTIVE GOTHICA, DRAGONMAIDEN50, BLEACHIGO, ANIMEFREAK7574, SLIVERMOON123, AZELF1717, CRESENT LUNA MOON, TESLA-VERRUGA, PHENOIXFLAMECHIMERA78 (X2), CHILLIS, BLACK DRAGON41, SHIROTSUKI-TENICHI, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, CRIMSONWOLF333, KAZES, HENTY1993, LIZZ2795, MIYUKIXTOUSHRIOU, CHASINGYESTERDAY, LEAH, KRYSALT3RAZ, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND, KORUMARU, LEMONROCKER AND HJA0616!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	67. Dipped strawberrys

Entry 257

Guess what.

Grimmjow didn't get the last cat nip cake.

Apparently, the talking black cat was some kind of ninja…

Entry 258

I think you people on fanfiction need therapists…

I've found quite a few stories where I get pregnant.

Last time I checked, only girls could get pregnant.

So… go get a therapist.

I suggest Grimmjow's. She gives lollypops.

Entry 259

Szayel is in denial because his drumming sucks.

So in order to comfort himself, he rigged all the mirrors in Hueco Mundo to break whenever charlotte looks in them.

If I actually liked charlotte, I would feel bad for him.

But… yeah. I don't like him. No one does.

Entry 260

Gin wants to join my band.

But the thing is; he can only play instruments of torture.

Entry 261

Aizen-sama put the video of Greenight's first 'concert' on YouTube.

It has 2,500 hits already.

Oh. And this is the most frequent comment on the video: 'your drummer sucks. Get a new one.'

Entry 262

I'm going to murder that trashy shinigami Ichigo.

He made his own band.

It's called 'Dipped strawberrys'.

And they actually have a drummer who has talent…

**CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES FOR:CHILLIS, SILVERMOON123, TESLA-VERRUGA, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, HENTY1993, BLEACHIGO, AZELF1717, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, NEKOANGEL31, LYDIACATFISH, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA (X2), SALLYDESTROYEROFWORLDS23, BLACK DRAGON41, SHIROTSUKI-TENCHI, MYTHO DEL ROSA, KRIOROKKZ44827, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND, 13 (X3) LIZZ2975 AND DRAGONMAIDEN50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	68. Cry

Entry 263

I bet you people thought that this story was on hiatus because it wasn't updated in such a long time…

It's not on hiatus.

We're just really busy now days…

Entry 264

You people said you wanted to know who Ichigo's drummer is.

It's Ichigo's friend that resembles a red pineapple.

Entry 265

I can't find a good drummer…

Entry 266

Gin tried to learn how to drum.

The drums ended up exploding…

Those poor drums.

Entry 267

You know that weird thing dogs do with each other?

Where they sniff each others butts?

Yeah.

Skelekitty and Skelepuppy are doing that…

Entry 268

I think I might cry.

I can't find a good drummer…

Entry 269

"Ulqi-kun! I found a drummer!"

"Really? Who?"

"My bro!"

"… You have a brother?"

"Uh-huh! And he can play the drums!"

I hope Ai's brother isn't like her…

(AN: If you have an idea for Ai's brother's name, please tell me!)

**IPHONES FOR: TWI-HOSTER GIRL, HJA0616. KRIOROKKZ44827, LEMONROCKER, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA73 (X2), GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, ALYIAROCKS (X2), SILVERMOON123, CRESENT LUNA MOON, BLEACHIGO, ARCEE-CHAN, ANIMEFREAK (X2), CHILLIS, BLACK DRAGON41, SHIROSTUKI-TENICHI, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, JIROUCHIHA, LIZZ2795, MIYUKIXTOUSHIRO, KORUMARU (X2), TESLA-VERRUGA, NEKOANGEL31, KRYSALT3RAZ AND HENTY1993!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	69. The god of drums

Entry 270

I'm meeting Ai's brother today…

I'm kind of nervous.

Entry 271

Wow.

Ai's brother is a foot taller than her…

Entry 272

"Ulqi-kun, this is my bro!"

"I know that. You guys look alike."

"Are you saying that I look like a girl?" Ai's brother said.

"No." I answered.

"Oh." He replied.

Huh. What a weird kid.

Entry 273

He's got a really weird name.

It's 'Sukiresu'.*

Entry 274

We took Sukiresu on a tour of Hueco Mundo.

He saw the gravestone we put up for the drums that Gin exploded.

And Aizen's secret room where he keeps all of his tea.

And everyone's rooms.

And Szayel's lab.

And…

Well, everything else.

Entry 275

I heard Sukiresu's drumming today.

And… well… It's… Godly.

Seriously. He's like the god of drums or something…

Entry 276

Someone put flowers on the exploded drums' grave…

*Sukiresu isn't an actual word. 'Suki' is another word for 'love', and 'resu' means 'less'. So his name is literally mean's 'Loveless'. Besides… I couldn't find the actual word for 'loveless'…

**FLOWERS FOR: SILVERMOON123, TELSA-VERRGURA, LEMONROCKER, IMFREEFLAAING, NEKOANGEL31, CRESENT LUNA MOON, KAZES, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, DRAGONMAIDEN50, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HALLPY, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, JIROUCHIHA, HENTY1993, LIZZ2795, BLEACHIGO, HJA0616, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, CHASINGYESTERDAY, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, LOVEHIM1024, BLACK DRAGON41, SHIROSTUKI-TENICHI, INSANE-TATSU, KRYSALT3RAZ, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND, KRIOROKK44827, SPOCKIE (X2), DJESERSETEPENRE-KHARE, AND KORUMARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	70. Kipnapped

Entry 277

HOLY FREAKING CRAP.

THIS STORY HAS 1,111 REVIEWS.

IS THE WORLD TRYING TO SCREW WITH ME AGAIN?!

Entry 278

Ai was the one who wrote that last entry.

But, yeah.

How can this story possibly have that many reviews?

You people must be really bored…

Entry 279

My band and Ichigo's band are going to have a 'battle of the bands'.

Does this mean that we have to beat each other up with our interments?

Entry 280

"Ah, so this is Ai's brother?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama."

"I see. I guess that means that he'll be your fracción."

That just ruined my day…

Entry 281

Sukiresu is YOUNGER than Ai.

How is that possible since he's a foot taller than her?

Entry 282

Someone asked how arrancar can have siblings.

Here's the answer to that: they were siblings while they were alive.

Just because they died doesn't mean that they aren't siblings anymore.

Entry 283

Oh, no.

Grimmjow got kidnapped by one of his creepy fangirls.

Again.

PANDA PLUSHIES FOR: KRIOROKKZ44827, SILVERMOON123, NEKOANGEL31, HJA0616, CREASENT LUNA MOON, CHILLIS, BLEACHIGO, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND, TESLA-VERRAGURA, CRIMSONWOLF333, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, LIZZ2795, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, HENTY1993, LEMONROCKER, KORUMARU, KAWAIIKITTY, FLAMEMUNCH AND GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	71. Sama

Entry 284

Ai explained what a battle of the bands was.

I'm kind of disappointed.

Entry 285

I think Sukiresu is anti social.

Eaither that, or he's really shy.

Entry 286

Remember that weird kid?

Lamekirby?

Yeah.

She thinks she has a stalker.

Who in the world would want to stalk that dork?

Entry 287

Grimmjow won't pick up his cell phone.

I think his fangirl ate him.

I wonder what he tasted like.

Entry 288

Sukiresu calls me 'Ulqiorra-sama'.

I'm not lying.

Seriously.

A relative of Ai is calling me SAMA.

I bet the world is going to blow up in a few days…

Entry 289

Who's 'Jaws'?

I keep hearing people make comparasins between him and Hailbel…

Entry 290

I'm just wondering, did you people notice that the whole panda plushie thing last chapter wasn't in bold?

Because I noticed that you people didn't say anything about that…

**AN: I GOT SOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY REVIEWS YESTERDAY! I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TYPING THEM ALL OUT...**


	72. Cannibal

Entry 291

Just because I was wondering how Grimmjow tasted like does not mean that I'm a cannibal.

Yammy is the only cannibal around here.

Entry 292

Oh.

I got Grimmjow back.

He was in the human world.

Guess where he was.

Yeah. He was stuck in a tree.

He wouldn't come down until I told him I'd give him cat nip…

Entry 293

I saw that trashy shinigami Ichigo while I was in the human world.

I slapped him across the face.

He was too stunned to do anything about it.

Entry 294

I wonder why Sukiresu and Ai don't act the same.

I should ask…

Entry 295

"Why don't you two act the same?"

"Because our mother dropped Ai on the head when she was a baby." Sukiresu answered.

"Yeah! Mom was always so careless~" Ai commented.

Well, that explains a lot.

Entry 296

"Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Yeah?"

"Since when did Ai have glasses?"

"Since the first chapter."

"… What?"

"… Never mind."

**BOXES FOR: KORUMARU, ICESTAR OF MISTCLAN, REPO_MAN_RAYA_MURPHY, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, BOBBINDIRD, TESLA-VERRGUA, KRYSALT3RAZ, CRIMSONWOLF333, ANIMEFREAK7574, BLEACHIGO, HJA0616. TWI-HOSTER GIRL (X2), BLACKDRAGON 41, SHIROSTUKI-TENICHI, NEKOANGEL31, ULQUIORRA LOVER, CHILLIS, CREASENT LUNA MOON, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, SILVERMOON123, PEHONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, VIOLENTXLOVE (X3), CHARMANE, ISSHIN'S_HUSBAND KRIOROKKZ44827!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	73. Battle of the bands

Entry 297

Yeah.

Now that I think bout it, Szayel is a cannibal.

Sorry for not mentioning that.

… Wait. Why am I apologizing to you people?

Entry 298

Had the battle of the bands thing.

Greenight won.

And it's mostly all thanks to Sukiresu, our godly drummer.

He made Dipped Strawberrys look like trash.

(Even though they are actually trash)

But he made me, Grimmjow and Starrk look like trash too.

So I guess it's a win-lose situation.

Entry 299

Ichigo was mad that his band sucks.

So then he tried to hit me with his guitar.

I dogged his guitar and then cero-ed him.

And then Grimmjow cero-ed him because…

…

To be honest, I don't know why.

Entry 300

Hmmm.

This is my 300th entry.

I should go have some ice cream to celebrate.

Entry 301

Ai ruined my celebration.

She threw Sukiresu at me while I was eating my ice cream.

"Ulquiorra-sama why are you eating ice cream without us?"

"Yeah, Ulqi-kun! Why?!"

I had to give them the rest of my ice cream.

**-AN-**

… **I bet you guys are pissed since I haven't uploaded in a week.**

**I have a perfectly good explanation.**

**Here it is: My grades suck. (Under an A or a low B is considered a bad grade in my house.)**

**Since my grades suck, that means that I can't use the computer.**

**So if you guys want me to upload regularly, you better hope that I make A's in all my classes.**

**Hmmm… I wonder if anyone is reading this….**

**ICE CREAM FOR: REPO_MAN_RAYA_MURPHY, NEKOANGEL31, CRESANT LUNA MOON, HJA0616, TESLA-VERRUGA, SILVERMOON123, KAZES, CHILLIS, CRIMSONSHARPIE, VIOLENTXLOVE, ANIMEFREAK7574, LULUKIRYU, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, ROKKA-CHAN, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU, BLEACHIGO, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, LIZZ2795, TWI-HOSTER GIRL, LOVEHIM1024, CRIMSONWOLF333, BLACK DRAGON41, SHIROSTUKI-TENICHI, KRYSALT3RAZ, OBSESSIVEOTAKUFANGIRL AND SKITTLEZZLDILZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	74. Flippy

Entry 302

I have a message for all of you from that weird kid lamekirby.

She says that 'she will try her hardest to keep her grades up'.

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Entry 303

I just realized.

Grimmjow sucks at spelling.

He wrote 'I'm a eet dat strawberry ichigo' on the table during the meeting today.

Entry 304

Hailbel bought a goldfish.

Her name is Flippy.

Hailbel's fracción are jealous of Flippy.

Entry 305

I asked Ai why Grimmjow would want to cero Ichigo for no reason.

"Ohh! Maybe it's because Grimmy is in love with Ichigo!" She answered.

"Or maybe it's because Ichigo beat Grimmjow-sama in a fight." Sukiresu said.

Sukiresu's answer makes a lot more sense…

Entry 306

Remember that Aizen-sama had an email?

Yeah.

He used it to make himself a 'facebook'.

What ever that is.

**GOLDFISHES FOR: AZELF1717, HJA0616, KAZES, NEKOANGEL31, KAWAIIKITTEY, PHEONIXFLAMECHIMERA78, CRIMSONSHARPIE, CRESENT LUNA MOON, LIZZ2795, BLEACHIGO, CRIMSONWOLF333, BLACKWINGSGREENEYES, CHILLIS, KRYSALT3RAZ, SEPTEMBER09, GRIMMJOW MAKES LOVE HAPPY, X-WHITEMAGIC58-X, TESLA-VERRUGA, MIYUKIXTOUSHIROU AND ROKKA-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	75. Facebook

Entry 307

Grimmjow ate Flippy.

If I said that Hailbel was mad that would have been a huge under statement.

On the other hand, her fracción are pretty happy.

Entry 308

Hueco Mundo is being taken over by facebook.

Almost everyone has one expect me and Sukiresu.

Entry 309

Remember that I said that Sukiresu didn't have a facebook?

Yeah. That was a lie.

He has one.

How do I know this?

Because he asked me if I wanted to be friends with him on facebook.

Entry 310

I have a facebook now.

And…

My fangirls were able to find me.

I should have seen that coming.

Entry 311

"Ulquiorra! Guess what?!" Grimmjow yelled at me during breakfast.

"Yammy exploded?"

"… Dude, you've been hanging around Ai too much."

"Yeah, I know."

"Anyways, Ichigo has a facebook!"

"So?"

"I'm going to send him a friend request…"

Entry 312

"Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow screamed at me.

"What?"

"Ichigo rejected my friend request!"

"Boo-hoo. Go cry in an emo corner."

"Fine! I will!"

Entry 313

I know Spanish.

Yeah, I was showing off.

Anyways; guess what the word 'sleeve' is in Spanish.

It's 'manga'.

Just thought you people would like to know that.

**(AN: I'm sorry! I don't have time to give gifts this chapter! I have to study! For algebra!)**


	76. Under half an hour

Entry 314

I just realized.

You can read this entire 'story' in half an hour or less.

Even though this story has 76 chapters.

Entry 315

"Ulquiorra, will you be my friend on facebook?"

"No, Grimmjow."

"Whhhhhhhhhhy?"

"Because I don't like you."

"You suck."

"So do you."

Entry 316

Aizen-sama found Gin on facebook.

He sent him a friend request.

And…

… Gin rejected it.

Well, at least he's friends with Tousen…

Entry 317

Yammy tried to use a computer.

He ended up eating eat.

I wonder how that happened...

Entry 318

"Suki-chan!" (That's Ai's nickname for Sukiresu)

"Yes, Ai?"

"Do you wannna play truth or dare?"

"Who are we going to play it with?"

"The espasda! Oh, and maybe Aizen, too!"

"Oh. Sure. I'll play."

We're going to play truth or dare again…?

If you need me, I'll be in my emo corner.

**THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! TRUTH OR DARE IS BACK! SO IF YOU WANNA DARE YOUR FAVORITE ESPASDA OR AIZEN, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**P.S: Consider that your present XD**


	77. Truth or Dare dos

Entry 320

We're playing in the meeting room again.

Oh. We also got this screen thing that shows people who are doing dares outside the meeting room.

So, without further ado, let the torture begin.

Entry 321

Ai was the first to spin the bottle.

It landed on Grimmjow.

"Kay! Grimmy… truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Aight… is it true that you love Ichi?"

"WHAT?!"

"Is it?"

"NO."

"Don't lie!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are!"

"Whatever! It's my turn to spin the bottle…"

A little note from me: Ai was glaring a Grimmjow for the rest of the game.

Entry 322

"Starrk, I dare you to stay awake for 24 hours straight and have Lynette poke you for the entire time."

"Grimmjow, you're supposed to ask if I want to do a truth or a dare."

"No one cares! Besides, that would have been boring…"

Starrk sighed. "Fine…"

"WHOO-HOO!" Lynette yelled from another room.

She must have super hearing or something.

Entry 323

"Ulquiorra."

"What?"

"I dare you to…"

"To…?"

"Be nice to Grimmjow for an entire week."

I officially hate Starrk's lazy guts.

Entry 324

"Sukiresu…"

"Yes, Ulquiorra-sama?"

"I dare you to wear a dress."

"As you wish, Ulquiorra-sama."

Entry 325

"Szayel-sama." Sukiresu said.

"What, emo kid?"

"Is it true that you have a crush on Lady Gaga?"

"How did you know that?"

"I read it in your diary."

Entry 326

"Yammy, I dare you to make Aizen play this dumb game with us." Szayel said.

"Fine."

Yammy left for a few minuets, and then he returned with Aizen-sama.

Hmmm. Maybe Yammy threatened to eat Aizen-sama if he didn't play with us.

Entry 327

"Aizen, I dare you to go disturb a captain's meeting in the Soul Society." Yammy declared.

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"Fine…"

Aizen-sama left the meeting room.

Wow. That screen that shows someone who is doing a dare outside of the meeting room isn't working.

That sucks.

Anyways, Aizen-sama came back.

And one of his arms was frozen solid.

He wouldn't talk about it.

Entry 328

"Grimmjow…" Aizen-sama said.

"Why is it me again?!"

"Because the universe hates you. Anyway, I want you to go to the human world and proclaim your undying love for Korusaki."

"…"

Grimmjow left the room.

And then he came back.

With a giant red slap mark on his face.

Entry 329

"Nnoitra, I want you to go and tell Tesla that you love him." Grimmjow said.

"I hate you."

Nnoitra came back in a few minuets.

"… TESLA THINKS THAT I ACTUALLY MENT IT!"

Entry 330

"Hey, can I dare Gin?" Nnoitra asked.

"Uh… Sure. Let me get him on my cell phone." Aizen-sama said.

"Hello! What do you need, Aizen?"

"This is Nnoitra."

"Oh. Kay. What do you want?"

"I dare you to face all your fangirls at the same time."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because we're playing truth or dare."

"Ah. Hey, if I die from suffocation by glomp-tackles, will you put a gravestone up for me?"

"Sure…"

"Thanks. Wish me luck."

Gin hung up.

"He's such a brave man…" Aizen-sama commented.

Entry 331

"Hailbel, are you REALLY related to jaws?"

"He's my granddad's step brother…"

Entry 332

"I dare all of you to reenact a Shakespeare play."

"WHAT?! You can't dare all of us!"

"I just did."

"…"

I never knew Hailbel was so evil.

Entry 333

"Barragan!" Yammy screamed.

"What?"

"Play the banjo."

"I don't have one…"

"Don't Worry! I do!"

Why does Yammy own a banjo?

Entry 334

"Starrk. Wear women's clothes. For a week."

I wonder why Barragan would want to see Starrk in women's clothing.

Entry 335

"Aizen."

"What, Starrk?"

"I dare you to give us control over you for a week."

I officially don't hate Starrk's lazy guts anymore.

**AN: Hahaha… sorry I couldn't use all the dares. I'll use them next time I decide to do a truth or dare chapter.**

**Ulqi-kun: You mean there'll be more…? **

**Ai: Yayz!**

**Sukiresu: *shrugs and goes off to find a dress for his dare* **


	78. Tempest

Entry 335

Hi.

I haven't seen any of you for a long time.

I kind of missed all of you people on fanfiction.

(Please note that I'm being sarcastic).

Entry 336

Lamekirby's brother has a Neopets account.

And he's like… 16.

Entry 337

We did the Shakespeare play.

Hailbel was the director.

Aizen-sama wanted to be, but then Hailbel commanded him not to.

(Remember, all of us have Command over Aizen-sama for a week).

Entry 338

We did The Tempest.

It's called a 'comedy'.

But it's not all that funny.

Entry 339

Sigh…

I think I turned Sukiresu into a cross-dresser.

He won't stop wearing dresses.

Entry 340

"ULQI-KUN!!!!"

"What, Ai?"

"YOO TURNED MY LITTLE BRO INTO A CROSS DRESSER!"

"… It's my fault he took the dare seriously."

"Wait… I don't have to wear dresses anymore?"

I think Sukiresu hangs around Ai too much.

Her stupid-ness is rubbing off on him.


	79. Cross dressing

Entry 341

Hmm. I haven't been uploading that much.

I guess that means that I should write longer chapters.

Wait. Why should I care?

Oh, yeah. It's because Ai would kill me.

Entry 342

Sukiresu's cross-dressing is really getting on my nerves.

And it's only because I keep catching Nnoitra taking pictures of Sukiresu in a dress and uploading them on the internet.

Nnoitra is annoying.

I'm going to kill him one of these days.

Entry 343

Remember that Gin had to face all his fangirls at once?

Yeah.

He survived.

It kind of makes me sad.

Entry 344

"Nnoitra."

"What, Starrk?"

"How's your relationship with Tesla going?"

"I'm going to kill you in 2.5 seconds, Starrk."

"I'd like to see you try."

Entry 345

"Hey, bro!"

"Yes, Ai?"

"Don't you want to stop cross-dressing?"

"No."

"WHAT?! WHY?!"

"Skirts are comfortable."

Entry 346

"Ulqi-kun, you gotta do something about bro's cross-dressing!"

"I will. As soon as I give Grimmjow this yarn."

"…Why are you giving Grimmy yarn?"

I shrugged.

Entry 347

"Here, Grimmjow. You can have this random ball of yarn."

"WHOO-HOO! I love you, Ulquiorra!"

I'm going to ignore that he said that.

Entry 348

How do you stop someone from cross-dressing?

This is going to be hard…

Entry 349

"Sukiresu, stop cross-dressing."

"I don't want to, Ulquiorra-sama."

"You must."

"Why?"

"Because then you will end up like Charlotte."

Sukiresu stayed far away from dresses after that.


	80. Undying love

Entry 350

Sukiresu walked up to Charlotte during breakfast this morning.

He said; "You give a bad name to cross dressers."

Charlotte was confused.

Entry 351

"Ulquiorra."

"What, Grimmjow?"

"Do you think it's possible to throw strawberry guts into a trashcan?"

I guess he's talking about Ichigo.

In that case…

"No, Grimmjow. You'll need to throw them into a toxic waste unit."

Entry 352

"Ai, what's Halloween?"

"I'm so glad you asked! It's when you go door to door to other people's houses and ask them for candy! Oh, and you have to wear a costume."

"What's the point of the costume?"

"I dunno. Maybe it makes it more fun."

Walking around to stranger's houses and asking for candy while wearing a ridiculous costume doesn't sound all that fun to me.

Entry 353

Aizen-sama has been calling all the espasda his 'children'.

I guess this is only because he 'created' all the espasda from the sphere thing.

You know the fancy word that starts with an 'H'.

Entry 354

"Ulquiorra, my son!"

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Do you want to have a Halloween party?"

"No."

"Ok, my precious child!"

Is it me, or is Aizen-sama kind of acting OOC?

Entry 355

"Ulqi-kun, what are you going to wear to the Halloween party?"

"We're not having a Halloween party."

"…"

"What?"

"You told Aizen that you didn't want to have the party, didn't you?"

"Perhaps."

Entry 356

"Starrk, my son."

"What, Aizen?"

"Why do you have small, purple bruises all around your body?"

"Lynette pokes hard."

Entry 357

Guess what Nnoitra's new ring tone is.

Yeah. It's a recording of Grimmjow declaring his love for me.

I'm going to go sulk in my emo corner.

Entry 358

Oh. Before I forget.

Have a happy Halloween.


	81. Sukiresu and Ai play

Entry 359

_He's going to kill us when he finds out…_

No, Suki-chan. He's only going to kill me because he doesn't like me as much as he likes you.

_That's not true, Ai._

Yes it is.

_No it's not._

WHATEVER!

Entry 400

Whoo-hoo! We get to write the 400th entry, Suki-chan!

_I guess this means that we have to make it kind of epic…_

Yeah! But first, we gotta tell the awesome people on fanfiction what the heck's going on!

_Oh, yeah. Ulquiorra-sama went on a mission in the real world._

Yeah! And he left his diary behind!

_And us._

Yeah. So since we're bored, we're writing in his diary!

_It's a journal._

NO, SUKI-CHAN! IT. IS. A. DIARY.

_Ok. Whatever you say._

Heck yeah! When Ulqi-kun is away, Sukiresu and Ai can play!

_Entry 401_

_Incase you haven't noticed yet, I (Sukiresu) write in italics, and Ai writes in a regular font._

Suki-chan only writes in italics cuz he's weird.

_... That hurt._

WAIT! Don't walk away! I didn't mean it! Come back, Suki-chan!

Entry 402

You'll have fun, Suki-chan! I promise!

_Halloween was a week ago._

So? Who says that you HAVE to go trick-or-treating on Halloween?

_Well…_

Exactly! Let's go!

_You sound like Dora the Explorer._

_Entry 403_

_We're at this guy's house._

_His name is Ichigo._

_Isn't that a girl's name?_

Entry 404

Suki-chan met my ex-boyfriend, Ichigo.

He thinks he's Bisexual.

405

See, Suki-chan! Wasn't trick-or-treating fun?!

_You forgot to put 'entry' next to the number._

So? It's not like anyone noticed…

Entry 406

See, Suki-chan? I put 'Entry' on this time.

_That's great. We have to put Ulqiorra-sama's journal back now._

Why?

_Because Ulquiorra-sama comes back today._

Oh yeah!

Entry 407

*Sigh*

I leave for a week, and my fracción become so bored that they have steal and write in my journal.

Oh, well.

I guess it's better than them burning down Las Noches.


	82. New Moon

Entry 408

Hmm. Thanksgiving is soon.

That's either a good thing, or a bad thing.

Entry 409

The sequel to Twilight, New Moon, came out.

Of course, I'm not going to see it.

Why the heck would I want to pay eight bucks to see a movie that I know that I wouldn't like?

Entry 410

I have a cut on my finger.

It hurts.

A lot.

You probably don't care…

Entry 411

Sukiresu and Ai went to see the New Moon movie.

This is what Ai had to say about it: "JACOB IS SOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!"

Isn't she descriptive?

Entry 412

"Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Yes?"

"Me and Ai saw that bisexual guy Ichigo at the movie theaters…"

"And?"

"Well he kept looking at us funny. Like he was surprised that we went to see that movie."

"I have no comment for that, Sukiresu."

Entry 413

I think that the cut on my finger is becoming infected.

I better go ask Szayel about it.

Entry 414

"Well, well, well, Ulquiorra." Szayel said.

"What?"

"Your cut is indeed infected. Would you like me to cut off your arm?"

"Would you like me to tear down your posters of Lady Gaga?"

He kicked me out of his lab.

Entry 415

Oh, wait.

I shouldn't have cared if he cut my arm off.

After all, I can regenerate it.

Entry 416

We had a meeting today.

And Aizen-sama told us something very… troubling.

He announced that Gin was coming back to Hueco Mundo for Thanksgiving.

I'm going to go sit in my emo corner after the meeting is finished.

Entry 417

Incase you've forgotten, Gin is in college.

He's getting a master's degree in something or another.

Entry 418

Ai is upset.

But it's only because the guy who plays Jacob in the New Moon movie has a girlfriend.

Don't worry. She'll get over it.

Entry 419

I found Grimmjow in my emo corner.

"How did you get in my room?" I asked.

"Your door was unlocked." He answered.

That's funny. I remember locking it.

"Why are you in my emo corner?" I asked.

"Don't you know how to share, Ulquiorra?" He replied.

"No. Now why are you in my emo corner?"

"… _HE'S_ coming."

"Who? Gin?"

"No. _HIM_."

"Who's that?"

Grimmjow then started to cry.

Entry 420

"Ai."

"Yeah?"

"You need to make Grimmjow his own emo corner."

"Why?"

"Because he's been sitting in mine for the past three days."

"Gosh, Ulqi-kun. Don't you know how to share?"

*sigh*

No one cares about what _I_ want…


	83. Speaking in caps

Entry 421

Well, Grimmjow finally stopped sitting in my emo corner.

But now he's running around Las Noches and screaming: "_HE'S_ COMING!!! _HE'S _COMING!!! CAN YOU ALL BE CALM AND DRINKING YOUR #$%*! TEA WHILE _HE'S_ COMING?!?!?!?!?!"

Entry 422

"Ulquiorra, my son."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Oh! You don't have to call me 'Aizen-sama'! You can just call me 'father'!"

'Father'? Like the guy who made the Homunculi in Full metal alchemist?

Entry 423

Nnoitra slapped Grimmjow today.

And then Grimmjow ran away, screaming: "YOU DUMB SPOON! JUST WAIT UNTIL _HE_ COMES! THEN _HE'LL_ RIP YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR BODY AND EAT IT!!!!!!!"

I think Grimmjow needs a new therapist.

Entry 424

Aizen-sama's been really happy lately.

I think it's because his 'brother' is coming back soon.

FYI: his 'brother' is Gin.

Entry 425

"My son!"

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"You must calm down your brother."

"My brother?"

"Yes. Grimmjow."

There is no way I'm possibly related to that insane freak.

Entry 426

I tripped Grimmjow while he was preaching about _'him'_ and running like an insane freak.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?!"

"Have you realized that you've been speaking in caps for this entire chapter?"

"… What?"

"Never mind. Who's _'him'_?"

"… Ulquiorra…"

"What?"

"I cannot tell you in a place so public. Come! We will go somewhere private!"

That sounded really… wrong.

Entry 427

The private place turned out to be the refrigerator.

Come on. We have to feed Yammy three times a day. Our fridge is going to be THAT big.

"Ok, Ulquiorra, are you ready?"

"That sounded really wrong."

"Tch! That's not the point! _He_ is… Gakushi."

"Who's that?"

"My sister's son."

"You mean… Hailbel?"

"No, you idiot! I mean my actual sister."

"You have a sister?"

"Shut up."

"I hope she doesn't look like you."

"Dude, I said to shut up."

"Why isn't she in Las Noches?"

"Because she's a shinigami."

"You make no sense."

"It makes sense. See, when I died, one of them shinigami jerks didn't come to get my soul. So I turned into a hollow and then I became an espasda and… yeah. You know the rest."

"Yeah, that makes sense. So shouldn't your sister be a hollow too?"

"No. One of them shinigami jerks actually came for her soul."

"So…?"

"She's in Soul Society now. She's the fifth seat in the tenth squad."

"The tenth squad?"

"Yeah. So?"

"I think Aizen-sama doesn't like the captain of that squad…"

"Oh, well. Whatever."

"Is she a spy for us?"

"No. she loyal to the Soul Society."

"Wow. That's complicated."

"Heck, yeah. Anyways, her son is coming over for thanksgiving."

"What's so bad about him?"

That's when Ai opened the fridge.

"HOLY CRAP! ULQI-KUN, GRIMMY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN THE FRIDGE?!"

"We're having a dinner party. Would you like to join us?" I replied.

"Sure! Do you think Suki-chan can join too?"

"Of course…"

"Sweet! I'll go get him!"

**(AN: 'Gakushi' means 'musician' in Japanese. Oh... and I don't own Full metal alchemist.)**


	84. Dinner party

Entry 428

Has anyone ever noticed that 'therapist' could be mistaken for 'the/rapist'?

I know one of you has…

Entry 429

Well, two people are coming today.

Gin and Gakushi.

Wow.

Both their names start with a 'G'.

That can't be good…

Entry 430

"Ulquiorra!" Nnoitra screamed.

"What?"

"I heard that you had a dinner party."

"So?"

"Why didn't you invite me?!"

"Because I don't like you."

Entry 231

"Why, My son?"

"'Why' what, Aizen-sama?"

"Why didn't you invite your brother to your dinner party?"

Wow. Nnoitra told on me.

How mature of him.

Entry 232

"Ulquiorra, I've missed you!"

"Well, I haven't missed you, Gin."

"That's so mean! And I'm your uncle! Address me with some respect!"

There is no that fox-faced sadist could be my uncle.

Maybe he's a second cousin or something…

Entry 233

"HIDE ME!!!"

"Again with the caps?"

"SHUT THE $%*# UP!!!!!"

"Why?"

"_HE'S _HERE!!!"

"You don't have to call him that…"

"DUDE, CAN'T YOU SHUT UP WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO?! HIDE MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Fine."

I threw Grimmjow into Szayel's lab.

Entry 234

I met Gakushi today.

And I don't like him.

He's mean to Sukiresu.

Entry 235

I suppose I should describe him…

He looks a lot like Grimmjow.

And he has a bell tied around his neck.

Entry 236

"What's with the bell?" Sukiresu asked.

"Shut up, emo kid." He answered.

Excuse me while I go kill Gakushi.

Entry 237

"See? Isn't he awful?!!?!?!?!" Grimmjow yelled.

"Well, he's a lot like you…"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!"

"Never mind…"

Entry 238

Gin glomped me today.

It was pretty wired.

Entry 239

Well, Gakushi lives up to his name.

He's a pretty good musician.

Entry 240

"Hey, Gakushi!" Ai yelled.

"What?!"

"My brother is the god of drums."

"Your brother? The emo kid?"

"IF YOU CALL HIM AN EMO KID AGAIN, I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND PUT IN AIZEN'S TEA!!!!"

Gakushi just looked at her weirdly.

Entry 241

I found Grimmjow in my emo corner again.

"Grimmjow."

"What?! I'm not getting out of your corner and that's final!"

"Sure. Whatever. I think your nephew is stalking Ai."

"So? At least she's keeping _him_ away from me."

Grimmjow is so heartless.

Entry 242

"Ulquiorra?" Szayel asked.

"What?"

"Do you think that it's possible to invite Lady Gaga over for Thanksgiving?"

"No. Maybe you can invite her over for Christmas."

"Yeah! I can ge ther under a mistletoe..."

Entry 243

"Come on, Ulquiorra!"

"Where are we going, Gin?"

"To the fridge! Me, you, Aizen, Tousen, and Nnoitra are going to have a dinner party!"


	85. Autograpgh

Entry 244

Even though our fridge is huge, it was still pretty crowded at our little 'dinner party'.

So we decided to kick someone out.

And that that someone was…

Me.

Yeah. They figured that it was pretty unfair that I got to attend two dinner parties.

Besides, I have to go Thanksgiving food shopping with Yammy.

Entry 245

Well, we've never really celebrated Thanksgiving in Hueco Mundo.

All we know is that people eat a 'turkey' and watch a trashy sport called 'football'.

So I decided to take Ai with me.

(Since she seems to know a lot about the living's culture.)

Entry 246

Since Ai went shopping with us, Sukiresu came too.

And Gakushi also came.

Why he wanted to come, I have no clue.

Entry 247

So…

Me, Yammy, Ai, Sukiresu and Gakushi all went shopping.

It's amazing how the market didn't blow up, or any thing.

Entry 248

You'll never believe who we bumped into at the market.

No, it wasn't Ichigo.

It was Lady Gaga.

Szayel will kill me when he finds out about this.

Entry 249

Well, I got her autograph for Szayel.

And she put her phone number on it, too…

Entry 250

"Hey, Ulguiorra!" Gakushi yelled.

Yeah. He replaced the 'Q' in my name with a 'G'.

"What?"

"How are we going to pay for all this crap?" he said, pointing to the bags of groceries we had.

"Simple! With Aizen's credit card!" Ai yelled.

I hope Aizen-sama doesn't notice.

Entry 251

Megs-chan sent us exploding muffins.

I'm going to go throw one at Gakushi.

Entry 252

"Hey, Gakushi." Ai said.

"What?"

"Do you like cat nip?"

"No."

"Wow. How can you possibly be related to Grimmy?"

Entry 253

I gave Szayel the Lady Gaga autograph.

And he kind of… froze.

He was just standing there, looking at the autograph with his mouth open.

He was starting to drool.

That's when I walked away.

Entry 254

I came to check on Szayel a few hours later.

He was still frozen there.

And, amazingly, he didn't drool on the autograph.

"Hey, Szayel."

He didn't do anything.

"Your lab exploded."

He still didn't do anything.

"What's up with the creepy scientist?" Gakushi asked, after randomly appearing out of no where.

"I don't know. I think he's stuck like that."

"Oh. Is it because of the Lady Gaga autograph?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm. I don't get why he likes her in the first place. After all, she's not even pretty."

That broke Szayel out of his trance.

"WHAT THE #$%* DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Szayel screamed.

Entry 256

Is it me, or does this chapter seems to be stretching on forever?

Entry 257

Wow.

Grimmjow somehow got cat nip laced into his food.

I better go take shelter…

Entry 258

Grimmjow calmed down.

After five hours.

Entry 259

Well, since I think this chapter is getting to long, I'm going to stop writing.

And I'm going to eat some pie.

Entry 260

"Ulqi-kun!"

"Ulquiorra-sama!"

"What? Can't I eat my pie in peace?"

"You have to wish the reviewers a happy Thanksgiving!" Sukiresu and Ai yelled.

*Sigh*

"Happy Thanksgiving."


	86. Pluto

Entry 461

Isn't it funny how life gets in the way of life?

Oh, the irony…

Entry 462

Aizen-sama made a fanfiction account.

He doesn't what to do with it though.

Entry 463

I found out Grimmjow's last name today.

It's Jeagerjaques.

Doesn't that sound french to you?

(Don't ask me why I didn't know his last name)

Entry 464

"Hey, Ulqiorra!"Gin called.

"What?"

"Did you know that Pluto's not a planet anymore?"

"What? Since when?"

"A few years."

"Why?"

"Because, it was too small and it was a bit off orbit."

"That's stupid."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Pluto's my favorite planet."

"Dude, it's not a planet. I just told you that."

"Shut up and go back to college, Gin."

"Oh, but I'm on break until the week after Christmas."

I need to go sit in my emo corner.

Entry 465

"Shouldn't you go back to Soul Society?" I asked Gakushi.

"Nah. I'm staying here until Christmas."

So both Gin AND Gakushi are staying…

My life sucks.

Entry 466

Guess what Szayel did with his autograph.

He framed it.

And he also put it in a glass case, surrounded by a laser tripwire system.

You know what a laser tripwire system is, don't you?

It's that really cliché laser thing from ever spy movie ever made.

Entry 467

"Ai, did you know that Pluto is not a planet anymore?"

"Duh. Didn't you?"

"No…"

"To be honest, Ulqi-kun, everyone knew. Even Suki-chan."

Was that an insult?

Entry 468

"Hey, You!"

"Grimmjow, just call me by my name."

"I will not, you tiny, annoying demon! And you should address me with some respect! I'm your uncle."

Gakushi looked at Grimmjow weirdly and then walked away.

Entry 469

"Hey, Ulguiorra."

"What?"

"What's up with the tear marks on your face?"

"They're not tear marks."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"Prove it."

"Tear marks are not green."

"That's what you think."

*sigh*

Gakushi and Grimmjow are so alike.

Please don't tell them I said that.

Entry 470

Grimmjow is going to take Gakushi to the living world so he can meet Ichigo.

This should be fun…


	87. Sake

Entry 471

What if Mario had a beard?

He'd look pretty weird.

Entry 472

"See, Gakushi? That's Ichigo."

"Holy crap, Grimmjow. Did you just call me by name instead of '_you'_?"

"Huh, I guess I did…"

Entry 473

I was on a park bench, eating an ice cream cone.

And then Ai came out of nowhere and slapped the cone out of my hands.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because you didn't buy me or Suki-chan an ice cream."

"I bought Sukiresu one."

"WHAT?! Why didn't you buy me one?!"

"Because you, Grimmjow and Gakushi were too busy stalking that walking strawberry."

"You mean my ex boyfriend?"

"You guys only went on one date."

"So?"

Entry 474

"Ai, if you keep laughing like that, your guts are going to explode."

"I… I… I can't help…. It!"

"What's so funny anyways?"

"Gakushi's reaction to Ichigo!"

"How is that funny?"

"Because Gakushi thought that Ichigo was a chick!"

"Sukiresu thought that Ichigo was a girl, too."

"Yeah, but you know how Grimmy is always talking about how much he hates Ichigo and all, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Gakushi thought that Ichigo was some chick that dumped Grimmy! And that Grimmy was still mad that 'she' dumped him!"

"OK… I'm going to by myself another ice cream."

Entry 475

"Gakushi, your mother called." Grimmjow said.

"Crap. What did she say?"

"She asked if you've been eating your vegetables."

"I have…"

"Alright. I'll just tell her that you haven't been eating your veggies."

Entry 476

"Ulquiorra-sama, I'm worried."

"Why?"

"Ai's been laughing non-stop for the past six days."

"Even in her sleep?"

"Yeah. And when she eats too."

Wow. I guess I better put a stop to this.

Entry 477

"Ai."

"Ye -ha- ah?"

"How do you laugh while eating?"

"I –hahaha- don't know."

"Well, you have to stop."

"I –hahahahahahahahahaha- can't!"

"… Did you know that if you laugh too much, you get a six pack?"

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah. Imagine that. A girl who looks fifteen with a six pack. That'd be kind of funny."

"NO, IT WOULDN'T!"

"Well, if you keep laughing like that, you'll get a six pack."

"I'M NEVER GOING TO LAUGH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

Don't worry. She's just exaggerating.

Entry 478

I got a text from Gin.

He said that I should bring some sake back to Las Noches.

He claims that it's for our up coming Christmas party.

Entry 479

The check out person thought I was some teenager that was trying to by some sake.

Do I really look that young?

Anyways, he wouldn't let me buy any.

Apparently I needed an 'ID'.

In the end, I bashed the check out person on the side of the head, took the bottles of sake, and ran for the exit.

Isn't that OOC of me?

Oh, and don't worry.

I left the money for the sake on the counter.


	88. Eggnog

Entry 480

I wonder how I forgot how to mention this in the last chapter…

But while I was in the trashy living world I got… kidnapped.

Yeah. This is how it went:

_Flashback_

I was walking down the street, eating the second ice cream I had bought for myself, when out of the blue a white van pulled up to me.

"Hey there!" A driver of the mysterious van said.

"Umm… hello."

"Would you like some candy?"

"No."

"How about some chocolate?"

"No."

The van driver sighed. "Look, Ulquiorra. Either we do this the easy way, or the hard way."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to kidnap you."

"You're joking."

"No I'm not. Now either you get in my van NOW, or else I will force you to."

"Yeah, right…"

Then I got hit on the head with something that was pointy.

Then I woke up I was in someone's living room.

"What happened to my ice cream?" I asked.

"I ate it!" My kidnapper said.

"…"

"What?"

"What are you going to do to me?"

"I… am going to make you taste my cookies!"

I don't know why, but the way she said that made it sound really weird.

My kidnapper ran into the kitchen.

She came back with a plate of fudge cookies.

"My name is Zira!" She said while I was eating the cookies.

"Ok…"

"Do you like my cookies?!"

"Please don't say 'cookies' like that."

"Do you like them?!"

"Sure…"

"Would you like some milk?!"

"I'm lactose intolerant…"

"WOW!!! Can I get a picture with you?"

"Will you let me go after that?"

"Yeah!"

So I took a picture with her.

And then she gave me a lift in her van to the store where I needed to buy the sake.

"CALL ME!!!" She said while she was driving away.

_End of flashback_

Entry 481

"Ulquiorra! You got the sake!" Gin yelled while I gave him the bottles of sake.

"Uh-huh."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"So… how's your love life going?"

"I don't have one."

"Wow! You're pathetic!"

"What about yours?"

Gin stared at me for a few seconds.

And the he ran away while crying and screaming; "AIZEN-SAMA!!!!! BAT BOY'S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!!!!"

Why did he call me bat boy?

Entry 482

"What's wrong, Szayel?"

"Lady Gaga said she can't come over for Christmas!"

"Uh…"

"Isn't that horrible?!"

"Maybe she can come over for new years?"

"Huh. I wonder why I didn't think of that."

Entry 483

I wonder where Sukiresu and Ai are.

I haven't seen them all day…

Entry 484

I found them in the kitchen.

With Ichigo's orange haired friend.

What was her name again? Something-hime?

"What's she doing here?"

"She's teaching us how to make eggnog!" Ai said.

"It's gross." Sukiresu commented.

And it looked gross too. I know eggnog is supposed to be white but the one's that the Hime-person and Ai were make was black.

"Oh, Ulquiorra!"

"What, woman?"

I'll just call her 'woman' since I can't remember her name.

"Why didn't you accept my friend request on facebook?"

"Because I don't use my facebook."

"Oh."

Sukiresu then threw up.

I think it's because he had some of Ai's and that woman's 'eggnog'.


	89. Gifts

Entry 485

Well, Sukiresu is doing better.

He stoped throwing up.

And face is now a normal color instead of a sickly green color…

Entry 486

"My son!"

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Why were you mean to your uncle?"

"… I don't know."

Aizen-sama just sighed and walked away while muttering about children and their 'phases'.

Entry 487

There was another meeting today.

Aizen-sama said we had to buy gifts for everyone.

So does that mean that I have to buy two for arronerio?

Since he has two heads and all…

Entry 488

Well, I'm at the human world.

And I saw Ichigo.

He was shopping with his friends.

That woman, the four eyes who claims to hate shinigami, and this really big buy.

"Ulqiorra?!" That trashy shinigami squeaked.

"What, trash?"

"What are you doing here?!"

"Buying gifts."

"Well--"

He didn't get to finish because he got glomped by Ai.

Entry 489

"Hey, Ichi, are you going to buy me anything for Christmas?" Ai asked.

"Why would I?"

"Well, you'll buy her a gift if you value your life." I answered.

Entry 490

"Ulqi-kun! What are you getting me?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Whhhhhhhhhhhhy?!"

"It'll be a surprise."

"Oh. I like surprises!"

I don't…

Entry 491

"Sukiresu, what should I buy for sayzel?"

"I don't know. How about a toy chemistry set?"

"Ok. After all, I got him the autograph."

Entry 492

What should I buy for Aizen-sama?

It should be something that's white…

Wow. That sounded racist.

Entry 493

Ok. I got Aizen-sama some hair gel.

Since I figure his supply must be running out.

Entry 494

I got Gin one of those portable telescope. Like a pirate captain would use. You know, because one of Gin's hobbies is stalking people…

I got Tousen goggles.

And here's what I got for the espasda:

Starrk: A snuggie. (Look it up on google if you don't know what that is.)

Barragan: a pocket watch.

Grimmjow: a punching bag that looks like Ichigo. You have no idea how hard it was to find that…

Nnotria: a spork. It's made out of steel.

Hailbel: A guppy. I think she should name him 'monster'.

Arronero: a pickle jar. With pickles in it.

Yammy: One of those mini toy ovens for little girls.

Zomoori: a mat. So he can meditate on it.

Entry 495

While I was Christmas shoping, Ai was running around the store screaming, "L change the worLd!!!!"

Yeah. I don't know how she was able to put the empheis on the 'L' in 'world'.

Entry 496

While I was shopping, they kept playing Christmas songs.

Maybe I'll rant about them in the next chapter.

Right now, I have to go find a gift for Sukiresu and Ai.

Entry 497

Maybe I should buy Sukiresu a skirt…

Nah. That would just start his whole cross-dreassing phase again.

So…I got him a jacket.

The hood has panda ears on it.

Oh. I should get him drumsticks too.

Since Gakushi thought that it was funny to break Sukiresu's old ones..

Entry 498

Hmmm.

I wonder what I should get for Ai.

I'll just buy her all the current volumes of her favorite manga.

Which happends to be this trashy manga called 'Bleach'.

Seriously, what kind of name is 'Bleach'?

Entry 499

Well, Aizen-sama got an early Christmas gift.

It's a threat letter from Soul Society.

To say the least, Aizen-sama was really happy.

Even though it was a threat letter…


	90. Letters

Entry 500

Just incase anyone was wondering what the threat letter said…

_Dear Aizen,_

_Hi. How are you doing? We're fine. It's snowing here…_

_Is it snowing in Hueco Mundo? Not like we care. _

…_Why are we sending you this letter again? Oh, yeah. We remember now._

_We hope that you get run over by a bunch of reindeer._

_Hmm. That's not much of a threat. Oh, well._

_The Gotei 13_

_P.S: Tell Gin that we hate it his guts, too._

Entry 501

As stupid as this is, Aizen-sama wrote a letter back to the Soul Society.

_Dear Soul Society, _

_No, it's not snowing here. Hueco Mundo is a desert. I don't think it's supposed to snow…_

_I haven't been run over by a bunch of reindeer yet. Sorry._

_Oh, and Gin is happy that you addressed him in the letter. _

_Happy holidays,_

_Aizen… and everyone else in Hueco Mundo. Except Grimmjow. He doesn't like you guys all that much._

Entry 502

Remember what Aizen-sama said about it being impossible to snow in Hueco Mundo?

Yeah. It's snowing.

All thanks to Szayel and his snow machine.

Oh, this reminds me… Aizen-sama sent another letter to Soul Society.

_Dear Soul Society, _

_It's snowing here! Isn't that great?!_

_And it all thanks to Szayel!_

_Love,_

_Aizen… and everyone except Grimmjow._

_P.S: I still haven't been run over by a bunch of reindeer._

Entry 503

So… Yeah.

I heard about this guy named Santa Claus.

Apparently, he's fat.

Fatter than Yammy.

Who know that was possible?

Entry 504

Ai, Sukiresu and Gakushi are having a snowball fight.

And then Lynette joined them…

Since Aizen-sama was in a really 'jolly' mood, he made Starrk join them.

So then everybody ended up pelting Starrk with snowballs.

He looked like Frosty the Snowman's second cousin by the time the 'fight' was over.

Entry 505

They have these thing called mistletoes.

Apparently, if you stand under one, you get kissed.

So, Sukiresu has been standing under mistletoe for over half an hour, hoping to be kissed.

Bless his emo soul.

Entry 506

Apparently, Lynette took pity on Sukiresu's emo soul.

She kissed him. On the cheek.

Yeah. So now he's all happy and stuff.

While maintaining his emo aurora.

Entry 507

I got a sweater from that woman.

Ai insists that I wear it.

I don't want to. It's ugly.

Wow. That's something Charlotte would say…

Entry 508

"Ne, Aizen-sama!"

"Yes, Gin?"

"Can we drink the sake today?"

"Wouldn't that mean that we'd have to spend Christmas drunk?"

"Don't we always do that?"

"True…"

"So?!"

"Aright."

"Yay!"

Entry 509

"Sukiresu."

"Yes-Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Make sure that Ai doesn't get her hands on any sake."

"Ok."

"You too."

"Yes, sir."

Entry 510

Yeah, I'm going to have to drink sake with everyone.

Why? Because it's part of Aizen-sama's orders.

And I warn you, I get drunk really easily.


	91. Drunk

Entry 511

Aizen-sama got another letter from the Gotei.

_Aizen,_

_We hate you. You suck. Never come near us again. Or, actually, do. We want to_

_kill you. _

_Go die, you loser._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Gotei 13_

_P.S: Why haven't been run over by a bunch of reindeer yet?_

Entry 512

Here's Aizen-sama's reply:

_Dear everyone, _

_I don't know why._

_Yours truly, _

_Aizen… and Gin._

_P.S: Tousen's mad that you never mentioned him in your letters._

Entry 513

Oh, Ggio is here.

In case you've forgotten, he went to go live with a crazy fangirl.

So now that he's here, he can get drunk with us.

Entry 514

We locked Ai, Sukiresu, Lynette and Gakushi in a closet.

Just so they don't get any of they're hands on the sake.

I hope Gakushi doesn't kill everyone out of boredom.

Entry 515

We would have opened presents before we brought out the sake, but no one went out to buy gifts…

So it's straight to the sake, then.

Entry 516

Gosh, this stuff tastes horrible.

I wonder how Gin can stand it.

Maybe he has no taste buds.

Hmm… I feel a little dizzy.

Entry 517

Hey you! Yeah, you!

Don't touch my pants!

They're freshly ironed.

Entry 518

I've never noticed before…

Szayel has such nice hair…

I'm jealous.

You know what?! He doesn't deserve to have such nice hair!

I'll cut it off! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Now, where is a knife?

Entry… what? 5… 519?

Me an' my buddy Gin are havin' a discussion!

We're talking 'bout normal folk!

Like that lovely shinigami Ichigo!

He's soooooooo nice! I think I'll give him a hug next time a see him~

Any who. Gin doesn't like livin' folk all that mush.

So dis is what I told 'em!

"NORMAL PEOLE RULE! THEY'RE LIVES ARE EAISIER AND THEY'RE DEATHS ARE LESS PAINFUL!"

Gin didn't argue with me after that.

Entry… 53? 520?

Ggio is singin' now.

Somthin' 'bout the eye of a… whatchmacallit? A tiger?

Entry… I can't remember. 521?

Me an' Grimmjow an' Nnoitra are singin' now.

I don't remember what it was called, but I think it was about someone's grandma.

I hope it's not mine…

Entry… 568? 522?

They have potato chips!

I'll take a potato chip… and eat it!

Entry… 600? 523?

"Ulquiorra!"

"Yeah?"

"Go sit in the corner!"

"Ok! Let me go find it!"

Entry 790? 524?

He… he told me to go sit in the corner.

But… but there was no corner.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT IN THE CORNER WHEN THERE IS NO CORNER?!?!?!?!?!

Entry 525?

I hear… voices.

The voices… they're mocking me…

… Mocking me.

Make it stop…

_**MAKE IT STOP!!!!**_

Entry 562?

I… I see a light.

It's… so beautiful.

I see it…

The corner.

The corner! I FOUND THE CORNER!

Entry 572?

"Aizen-sama! I found the corner!"

"Great! Go sit in it!"

"Ok!"

Entry 582?

I'm in the corner now…

It's so comfy here…

I have to sleep now.

'Cuz I think it's past my bed time.

**AN: Merry Christmas! **


	92. Hangover

Entry 528

Hello, this is the lovely Ai Kirai speaking!

…

Suki-chan! Say to hi the lovely people of fanfiction!

_Hello._

_Entry 529_

_Ulquiorra-sama is having… a hangover._

Yeah! And get this; he only had half a glass!

Entry 530

Staying in a closet was horrible.

_Yes, yes it was._

It smelled in there.

_I think that has to do with the fact that it was Szayel's closet._

Entry 531

Ulqi-kun's feeling a little better now.

_Yeah. He stopped mumbling about a corner… and freshly ironed pants._

Entry 532

We read Ulqi-kun's last chapter!

_It was a bit disturbing._

We hope that it didn't freak you guys out.

_And it also explains why we found him asleep in a corner with a bag of potato chips._

Entry 533

Hey, Suki-chan?

_Yes?_

Do you think we should end the chapter here?

_Wouldn't that make it too short?_

That's true.

_So what should we do?_

…

… **(AN: That was Sukiresu)**

HOLY CRAP! WHO IS THAT PERSON WRITING IN BOLD?!?!?!?!

_I don't know._

_Entry 534 _

_Ai is currently hugging me and muttering; "Don't worry, Suki-chan! I won't let this evil monster named 'AN' get us!"_

_I need to go check on Ulquiorra-sama._

_Entry 535_

_Ulquiorra-sama is making us gingerbread cookies._

Yeah. He told us that 'AN' was just some dork named lamekirby.

_She calls herself 'AN' sometimes._

So there's nothing to worry about! Besides… who would be afraid of a dork?

_Entry 536_

_Ulquiorra-sama got over his hangover pretty quickly._

Aizen hasn't though.

_Yeah. he's currently throwing up._

I should take a picture of him and put it on facebook…

Entry 537

Gakushi's leaving!

_Good riddance._

That's mean, Suki-chan!

_I don't like him. No one does._

He likes himself.

_Hmm. Touché. _

Entry 538

"Ai, give me my journal."

"NO! Me and Suki-chan are still writing in your diary!"

"It's journal."

"No it's not! You write your thoughts and feelings in here, right?"

"So?"

"That makes it a diary!"

Entry 539

Ai finally gave me my journal when I told her Ichigo's present was under our tree.

Guess what he gave her.

A pair of socks.

Needless to say, Ai is ecstatic.

Entry 540

"Kiss me, Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow yelled.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because Gakushi finally left!"

"So? Gin's still here."

"So will you kiss me after Gin leaves?"

"No."


	93. Whipped cream

Entry 541

It's been 41 entries since the 500th entry.

And I haven't done anything special for it…

Oh, well. I'll just have to do something spectacular for the 600th entry.

Assuming that people are still reading this 'story' by then…

Entry 542

Bad news.

Gin's staying.

Permanently.

Why?

Because Gin blew up the college.

How?

Because he was playing the drums.

And… yeah. he has this knack for making drums explode.

Entry 543

Guess what?

No, Ai did not jump off the dome of Las Noches.

(Even though she would do something like that. Without a parachute.)

No, it's just that Gin's taking online college courses.

Just thought that you guys would like to know.

Entry 544

I forgot to mention what I got for Christmas, didn't I?

Yeah.

If any of you guessed that I got trash for Christmas, then your right.

The espasda lack creativity.

Entry 545

"Sukiresu, Ai."

"Yes?" They both answered.

"Why did you give me trash?"

"I thought you liked trash! Isn't that why you say it all the time?!" Ai said.

"I didn't give you trash, Ulquiorra-sama. I gave you garbage." Sukiresu said.

So… does this mean that trash is worse than garbage?

Entry 545

Grimmjow was eating strawberries…

… with whipped cream.

He kept screaming, "WHAT NOW, ICHIGO?! I'M EATING YOU, AND NOW YOU HAVE A BEARD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Grimmjow finally shuted up when he ate all the strawberries in the box.


	94. Avian DNA

Entry 546

I said 'shuted' last time, didn't I?

Whoops.

Entry 547

Aizen-sama was talking about a dream he had.

"World peace was achieved! The clouds were vomiting rainbows! And… and… and… PIGS RULED THE EARTH!"

That's it. Aizen-sama is no longer allowed to have pickles before he goes to bed.

Entry 548

Remember that dork lamekirby?

Yeah.

She's learning how to type.

What kind of loser doesn't know how to type?

Entry 549

Ggio is still here.

And the fangirl that 'owns' him is looking for him.

So I guess we should send him back to his fangirl…

Entry 550

"Hey, Ulquiorra!"

"What, Gin?"

"I'm learning how to type!"

"…"

"So is Aizen-sama!"

"Don't sound so happy…"

Entry 551

You know how some people scream at the T.V while they're playing a video game?

Yeah. Yammy does that.

And you know how people get really emotional when someone dies on a soap opera they watch?

Yeah. Gin does that.

Entry 552

"OH. MY. GOD." Szayel said.

"What?" Nnoitra asked.

"I just got a text message from Lady Gaga!"

"What does it say?"

"She'll go on a date with me!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! When pigs fly!"

"Dude… pigs don't fly."

"I know! But I can take a pig and insert it with avian DNA!"

"So?"

"So… it'll grow bird wings and be able to use them!"

"You must be really desperate to go on that date…"

Entry 553

So Szayel bought a pig to experiment on.

He named the pig Gorge.


	95. World Domination

Entry 554

You people kept asking if the pig's name was 'Gorge' or 'George'.

It's Gorge.

Entry 556

Gorge can fly.

And it's really annoying.

Come on… he's a flying pig.

Imagine trying to eat lunch, but you can't because this stupid flying pig keeps flying over your head and oinking at the top of its lungs.

Entry 557

"Ulquiorra!"

"Yes, Aizen-sama?"

"Your brother is crying!"

"Which one?"

Yeah. I stopped denying that the espasda were my brothers. You know what they say- if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"Szayel!" Aizen-sama said.

"So? What do you want me to do about it?"

"Comfort him!"

He has got to be kidding me…

Entry 558

Would you people even care for why Szayel's crying?

No?

Too bad. I'm going to tell you anyways.

Entry 559

Szayel was crying because Lady Gaga wouldn't go a date with him.

Who would?

Szayel will murder me if finds out that I wrote that…

Entry 560

I just realized.

I haven't written about Ai or Sukiresu in a long time.

They must be up to something.

Entry 561

"What are you two doing?"

"Nothing, Ulqi-kun!"

"She's lying."

"Suki-can! Shut up!"

"But you were…"

"You know what, Suki-can?! You'd make a horrible lawyer!"

"Fine. I didn't want to be a lawyer in the first place."

"Then what do you want to be?!"

"I want to work at a donut store!"

"WHAT?! You can't support a family if you work at a donut store!"

"So? It's not anyone would want to marry me in the first place."

"Don't say that, Suki-chan! You find that special someone one day!"

"You really think so?"

"I KNOW so!"

What. The. Heck. All I asked was what they were doing.

Entry 562

"Is your emotional sibling moment over?"

"Yes." They answered.

"Great. So what were you guys doing?"

"You really want to know?" Ai asked.

"Yes."

"We were working on a plan for world domination." Sukiresu answered.

"Aizen-sama is already doing that."

"We know. But his plan kind of sucks." Ai said.

Entry 563

Aizen-sama got sick of Gorge flying around and oinking all the time.

So he made Szayel take out Gorge's vocal cords.

Now Gorge is mute.

Poor Gorge.

Oh, well. At least Aizen-sama didn't feed Gorge to Yammy.


	96. Cutting up peaches

Entry 564

"Guess what, Ulqi-kun!"

"Do I have to?"

"Uh-huh."

"Fine. Did Yammy finally eat Gorge?"

"… No."

Wow. I'm surprised.

Yammy was able to resist the temptation of eating something.

I must congratulate him sometime…

Entry 565

"Valentine's is in a few days!" Ai screamed.

What the heck is that?

It sounds like something that Gin would be happy about…

… and that's obviously not a good thing.

Entry 566

Gin told me what "Valentine's" was.

It's where you give chocolate and stuff to people you love.

And since no one loves me, I will probably not get anything.

Entry 567

Remember how I said that no one loved me?

Yeah. I was wrong.

My thousands of fangirls love me.

Entry 568

"Ulquiorra!" Szayel yelled.

"You know, you've been appearing a lot in this story."

"… What?"

"… Never mind."

I think I heard Szayel mutter 'stupid emo' under his breath.

Entry 569

"What should I get Lady Gaga for Christmas?"

"Christmas?"

"Uh… I mean Valentine's."

"…"

"Dude, just tell me what I should get her!"

"Put the heart of one of your fraccións in a box and send it to her."

Szayel was quiet for a moment.

Then he walked away while rubbing his chin and smiling evilly.

I feel sorry for his fracción now…

Entry 570

"Ulqi-kun."

"What?"

"What do you think Ichi will get me for Valentine's?"

"Nothing. Why should he?"

"'Cuz I'm his ex."

"I thought that you don't get your ex anything…"

"Nooooo… you do."

I don't know why, but I get the feeling that she's lying to me.

Entry 571

"Sukiresu, what would you do if you got chocolate from someone?"

"You mean if it wasn't from Ai or you?"

"Yeah."

"Umm… eat it."

"Really? You wouldn't cry tears of joy or anything?"

"No, I would. Just not in public."

Entry 572

"Umm… Aizen-sama?"

"Yes, my son?"

"What are you doing to those peaches?"

"Cutting them up!"

"Aren't you going to eat them?"

"No. I just like cutting them up."

Entry 573

"Gin."

"Hmm?"

"Why does Aizen-sama like cutting up peaches?"

Gin just grinned.

And that, journal readers, is why you never ask Gin to answer your questions.

All he does is smile back in answer.


	97. Bug guts

Entry 574

We were having breakfast this morning, and all was well before Nnoitra decided to spill the freaking milk.

See, Grimmjow was having cereal. And he needed milk in order to eat the cereal. So Grimmjow asked Nnoitra to pass the milk.

Then Nnoitra spilled the milk.

Then Grimmjow starts crying and cursing Nnoitra. He said something along the lines of: "Dang it, Nnoitra! Why the &*#$ did you spill the milk?!?!?!"

Then Nnoitra replies: "Well, why the &*#$ do you care so much?!?!"

"Because I need the milk to eat my cereal with, retard!!! And now that you spilled the milk, I can't eat my breakfast, and now I can't have the most important meal of the day!!!"

So this stupid argument goes on and on, and then Szayel just has to add fuel to the fire. He said to Grimmjow: "Don't cry over spilled milk."

Then Grimmjow accuses Szayel of being on Nnoitra's side. And then I couldn't take it after 15 more minuets of they're arguing, so I say to Grimmjow: "Shut up. Just use orange juice instead of milk."

And that was the end of that.

Entry 575

Wow. I think the entry above was my longest entry ever.

And to think it was all about this morning's breakfast.

Entry 576

"Ai, what are you doing in my emo corner?"

"I'm hoping that my hair will influence from the emo aurora your corner gives off."

"… Why do you want your hair to be emo?"

"So it will cut itself."

Entry 577

Ai threw a paper cup at Aizen-sama.

She said, "I choose you, cup!"

Isn't Ai creative?

Entry 578

I turn the page to write this entry.

Guess what I found on the page.

No, seriously. I want you to guess.

Fine. You're obviously not going to.

I found bug guts.

Yeah. Someone took my journal and smashed a bug between the pages.

So now I have bug guts on my journal.

Entry 579

"WASSUP MAH HOMIES?!?!" Grimmjow said.

"NOTHIN' MUCH, MAH HOME DAWG!!" Nnoitra replied.

"GUESS WAT I SAW ON TV THE OTHER DAY, HOME DAWG!!" Yammy asked.

"WHAT DID YOU SEE, MAH HOME DAWG?!" Grimmjow said.

"I SAW A TV SHOW." Yammy answered.

"SERIOUSLY?!?!" Nnoitra said.

"YEA, MAH HOME DAWG!!"

I swear I'm going to murder the next person who says 'home dawg'.

Entry 580

"Umm… Ulquiorra?"

"What, Gin?"

"Do you know what happened to my stash of sake?"

"Oh. I think Grimmjow, Nnoitra and Yammy got their hands on it."


	98. Eff our lives

Entry 559

Ai broke her arm recently.

How?

Because she tripped on a Hollow Rabbit.

Yes, a Hollow Rabbit.

Don't ask me what a Hollow Rabbit is doing in Hueco Mundo.

Because I have no idea. I'll go ask Sayzel.

Entry 560

"Sayzel?"

"Yes, my dear emo brother?"

"…"

"What?"

"Don't call me your 'dear emo brother'."

"Then what am I supposed to call you?"

"Ulqiorra."

"But… but that's so plain!"

You know what? I'll just ask about the Hollow Rabbit later.

Entry 561

"Ulquiorra-sama, guess what?!"

Sukiresu sounds exited. How rare.

"What?" I ask.

"I know Gin's bankai!"

"OK. Do you know Aizen-sama's?"

"… Do YOU know what his bankai is?"

"… Yes."

"Can you tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"… Because I have been sworn into secrecy."

Entry 562

I haven't seen Gorge around lately.

I wonder what happened to him.

Entry 563

"Yammy, do you know what happened to Gorge?"

"Noooo…"

"You ate him."

"I did not! You can't prove it!"

"Sayzel's going to kill you when he figures out that you ate his flying pig."

"But… but he was so delicious!!"

Entry 564

I over heard this while walking past the meeting room.

"Gin, would you like one sugar lump or two?" Aizen-sama asked.

"FIVE!" Gin replied.

Entry 565

Ai got a really weird idea.

I blame her broken arm.

Ai's idea was to create a movie.

Entry 566

"YEAH!!! We'll call it "Eff our lives"! Ulqi-kun can be the main character and Suki-chan can be the co-star!" Ai announced.

"Aizen can be in to movie too!" Ai added.

"Oh, really?" Aizen asked.

"Yeah! You can die at the end!"


	99. RIP

Entry 567

"I wanna be in the movie too!" Gin whined.

"Hmmm… I know! You can kill Aizen in the end!" Ai said.

"I thought I got to kill Aizen." Tousen said.

"Oh. Right. I guess you guys can kill him at the same time."

"HELL, NO! I get to kill Aizen!" Nnotria yelled.

"WHAT?! What makes you think that you get the right to kill him?" Grimmjow complained.

"Cuz my rank is higher than yours!"

"YEAH?!?! WELL, I'M MORE POPULAR THAN YOU!!!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?"

"YOU HEARD ME!!!"

And to think, they were calling each other "home dawg" a few chapters ago.

Entry 568

"Hey, Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Sayzel?"

"Have you seen Gorge?"

"Yammy ate him."

"Oh. That sucks."

"…"

"What?"

"I thought you would be mad."

"Yeah. I guess it'll take me a little time to digest this information."

Entry 569

"Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Hmmm?"

"Didn't you have a pet dog?"

"…"

"And a cat with an identity crisis?"

Oh, dear.

He's talking about Skelekitty and Skelepuppy.

… Now that I think about it, I haven't seen them in over fifty chapters.

That's no good…

Entry 570

"Ai, what happened to Skelekitty and Skelepuppy?"

"They became useless to the story."

"…What?"

"Uh… let's just say that it was time for them to go."

"..."

"Ulqi-kun… are you crying?! That's great! We can use at as footage for 'Eff our lives'!"

I wasn't crying.

She was talking about the tear shaped marks on my cheeks.


	100. Just too lazy

Entry 571

One of Ai's reviewers claimed that I was like Charlie the Unicorn.

It was quite depressing.

Entry 572

Why, Ulquiorra? There's nothing wrong with Charlie the Unicorn videos.

I say this because I actually bothered to watch them.

Entry 573

Wow, Ulquiorra. I knew you were emo, but…

You just took emo to a whole new level.

So I suppose I should congratulate you on this great achievement.

Entry 574

Sorry I'm writing in your journal.

You see, Lynette told me that I had to go do something productive and she suggested that I should keep a journal.

Well, I was too lazy to go buy my own journal, so I'm borrowing yours.

Entry 575

Ulquiorra… you complain too much.

You need to learn to go with the flow.

Your life would be much easier if you did.

Entry 576

Hey, Ulquiorra.

I saw your crazy fracción go berserk a few minuets ago.

What was that about?

I would ask you in person, but I'm too lazy.

Entry 577

Oh, I see why.

She was catching more footage for that crazy movie of hers.

Apparently, the scene I saw her taping was about Aizen, and how we had run out of tea.

I saw Gin smiling in the background.

He waved to me when he saw that I was looking at him.

Entry 578

Hey, Ulquiorra.

I'm your superior.

I always wanted to say that to your face, but I'm just too lazy.

Entry 579

You write about Grimmjow a lot.

What's up with that?

You write about Grimmjow more than Aizen.

That… That I didn't expect.

Entry 580

Oh… you had a dinner party in the fridge once.

Why didn't you invite me?

Now I feel lonely.

Entry 581

Hey, Ulquiorra.

Did you know that 'ho' is a Shakespearean word?

Yeah, he says it quite frequently, actually.

Like in 'Othello'.

The line was "Ho, bring me my sword!"

FYI, 'ho' in the Shakespearean language means "Hey, man".

Or something along those lines.

Entry 582

Writing in this journal is pretty fun.

Is that why you write so often?

Entry 583

Ulquiorra, do you know that crazy guy form Death Note?

The guy that kind of acts like Aizen?

Yeah.

I went on YouTube and saw a video of him doing an evil laugh.

I hope to see Aizen laugh like that one day.

Entry 584

You know that dorky kid, lamekirby, right?

Yeah.

Did you know that she doesn't own Death Note?

And that she doesn't own Othello, either?

… And did you also know that she's a girl?

I get the impression that you think she's a guy.

Entry 584

Hey, Ulquiorra.

You're not mad at me for writing your 100th chapter for you, right?

So... you're not mad, right?

Ok. Great.

I always knew you were an understanding person.

Entry 585

Reading your journal is kind of making me feel emo, Ulquiorra.

So in light of this emo-ness that I feel, I will tell you about the way that I died.

You see, I was run over by a car.

I saw it coming, and I could have stepped aside, but…

… I was just too lazy.


	101. Felicitaciones

Entry 585

I will now thank you and teach you a Spanish at the same time.

Felicitaciones.

That means congratulations.

I'm congratulating you because you have been reading this thing for so long.

FYI, there's supposed to be an acent mark on the o.

I just didn't feel like putting it there.

Wow. I must be influencing from Starrk somehow.

Entry 586

Ai's arm healed up.

Which means that it's not broken anymore.

Entry 587

"Oh, no!"

"What, Ai?"

"Ulqi-kun, what if my inspiration for 'Eff our lives' goes away?"

"Then everyone in Las Noches will rejoice."

"But… but then we'll never make it to the big screen!"

Entry 588

Every one had a different reaction of not being able to make it to 'the big screen'.

Szayel in particular.

"What? But I wanted Lady Gaga to come to our opening night!"

And here I thought Szayel was over Lady Gaga.

Entry 589

"Hey, Ulquiorra."

"Hello, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow held out an envelope to me.

"Open it." He said.

So I did.

There was a letter in the envelope.

It was from Gakushi.

"It's from Gakushi." I told Grimmjow.

"Duh. That's why I made you open it."

"What?"

"You know, just in case the envelope was rigged to explode."

I've heard about this thing called sarcasm. I think I'll give it a try now.

"Thanks, Grimmjow. It's nice to know I can always count on you."

Entry 590

This was Gakushi's letter:

_Hey, UNCLE_

_Mom is making me write a letter. In fact, she's standing over my shoulder while I'm writing this thing. Hi, mom!_

_Ow. She just smacked me for my sarcasm._

_I bet your laughing your butt off right now. Go ahead. One of these days, I'll get my revenge on you._

_Ow. She just smacked me again._

_Well, you have to send me a letter back. Cuz then I'll feel like you don't love me (even though you don't love me in the first place)_

_OW. Mom, it's true. He screams and runs away whenever he sees me._

_You know what? Screw this. _

_Bye, UNCLE _

Is it me, or does it seem more like he's writing a letter of complaint to his mom than a letter to Grimmjow?

Entry 591

"Starrk."

"Oh, hey Ulquiorra. Thanks for letting me use your journal."

"… I don't write about Grimmjow that much."

"Yes you do. He's mentioned in practically every chapter."

"Well, if you kept a journal, wouldn't you mention Lynette in every chapter?"

"I would. What's your point?"

"That Grimmjow annoys me everyday like how Lynette annoys you everyday."

Entry 592

Hmmm… almost to entry 600.

Whoop-dee-doo.

… Did I seriously just write that?

Entry 593

Sukiresu has been taping footage of Ai for 'Eff our lives'."

She got really mad at him afterwards. She said: "Suki-chan! The director's not supposed to be in the movie!"

Sukiresu replied; "I thought it would make a good climax for the movie."

"Oh… well, that was very creative of you. But from now on, leave the footage taking to the director, OK?" Ai said.

"Sure." Sukiresu replied.

Entry 594

I just realized.

This story is categorized under "friendship".

Why?

Entry 595

Someone told me that I am emotionless.

But isn't being emotionless count as an emotion?

Entry 596

Remember those letters the Gotei 13 sent Aizen-sama during Christmas time?

Yeah. They're request was fulfilled.

Aizen-sama was run over by a hollow reindeer yesterday.

Of course, Ai got it on tape.

"Cool! Let's hope he dies so that we can use it for the end of the movie!"


	102. Believe

Entry 597

_Hey, you guys!_

_Sorry its five months late, but I finally fulfilled your Christmas request!_

_I got run over by a reindeer yesterday._

_My arm didn't break, so that's how I'm able to write this letter to you!_

_Late merry Christmas,_

_Aizen_

_P.S: Could you tell Hinamori-kun I said hi?_

Entry 598

"Wow, Ulqi-kun. Sucks for you." Ai said.

"Yes, Ulquiorra-sama. It's too bad." Sukiresu commented.

"What are you two talking about?" I asked.

"How you're going to be pwnd in the next Japanese Bleach episode." Ai answered.

"… You know what? I'm going to ignore you two." I replied.

I then proceeded to walk away form them.

While I was walking away I heard Sukiresu mumble; "Poor Ulquiorra-sama. He's in such a deep state of denial."

Entry 599

_Dear Aizen,_

_No, we will not tell Hinamori you said hi._

_And you haven't fulfilled our request._

_We wanted you to die after getting run over by a reindeer._

_Gotie 13_

Entry 600

I can't believe I'm about to waste the 600th entry on a letter Aizen-sama wrote to Soul Society.

Oh, well. I guess it can't be helped.

_Dear Soul Society,_

_You're all so mean to me. _

_You know what's funny? Ai, the fracción of my son Ulquiorra, wants me to die too. She hopes that my death can be the climax of her movie 'Eff our lives'._

_Would you all like to come to the opening premiere?_

_And technically speaking, I'm already dead. _

_With love, _

_Aizen_

_P.S: Tousen says hi to Kommamura._

Did Aizen-sama seriously just sign off the letter by saying 'With love'?

Entry 601

"Ulquiorra!"

"What, Yammy?"

"Wanna hear some gossip?"

"No. Gossip is trash."

"Szayel is over Lady Gaga!"

"I'll believe that when cows fly."

"Isn't the phrase 'When pigs fly'?"

"Yes, but Szayel already made a flying pig. Which you ate."

Entry 602

A reviewer said that this story is categorized under friendship because I am friends with Ai.

It is quite possibly the most stupid thing I have heard.

And trust me; I've heard a lot of stupid things.

Entry 603

"You're throwing your Lady Gaga posters out?"

"Of course, Ulquiorra. I'm going to put up posters of my new love!"

"Who would that be?"

"Ke$ha!"

"…"

"And, Ulquiorra, when you write this conversation down in your diary, be sure to spell Ke$ha's name with a $ instead of an s, OK?"

"It's not a diary…"

Entry 604

_Aizen, _

_We already know that you are technically dead. We all are._

_And no, we do not want to come to your opening premiere. We have more important tings to do._

_And Kommamura says hi back to his… 'Blind Bro'._

_Gotie 13_

Entry 605

"Lookie, Ulquiorra!"

"Is that a college certificate?"

"Yup. Are ya jealous?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"Because your certificate states that you have a major in…"

"HEY! It's OK for a man to have a major in that!"

"Whatever you say, Gin. Whatever you say."


	103. Dream

Entry 606

I had a dream.

I'll share it with you.

First, Ai, Sukiresu, Nnoitra, Szayel, and I were in the fridge, having a dinner party.

Then, the Kool-aid man burst in, and yelled; "OOOOOOOOOOH, YEAH!"

Then, Yammy came and ate the Kool-aid man. While his mouth was bleeding, he yelled; "DELICIOUS!"

Then, Gin came in and announced that the clouds of Las Noches were vomiting rainbows. He then skipped away singing 'twinkle, twinkle little star'.

Later, Ichigo came in through a portal and announced to Ai that he wanted to marry her. Sukiresu then challenged Ichigo because "he (Ichigo) must be able to defeat him (him being Sukiresu) in a duel in order to win Ai's hand in marriage".

While Sukiresu and Ichigo were fighting, Skelepuppy and Skelekitty appeared out of nowhere.

They said; "Ulquiorra! Why have you abandoned us? Why?" They then dissolved into dust.

Later, Aizen-sama came in (with a bra on his head) and asked who was winning in the fight between Ichigo and Sukiresu. Yammy answered for him.

Starrk and Lilinette joined the fray. They were holding umbrellas that were covered in rainbow colored vomit. They were accompanied by Light, who was laughing crazily and eating potato chips.

He then died because he had choked on his potato chips. Before he died, though, he used his Death Note in order to kill the bag of potato chips.

This short, dorky-looking kid with glasses and a shirt with the video game character Kirby walked in, faced me, and mumbled something along the lines of "I don't own Death Note". She then walked away and talked to herself about a geo project and an English term paper.

That woman then appeared. She went up to Ichigo and slapped him. She said; "How DARE you want to marry another woman when you're already married to me!"

Ichigo then stood stupidly with a 'WTF' look on his face. Sukiresu took this as his chance to kill Ichigo. So he did.

Gin, who was covered in rainbow colored vomit, came skipping back and asked Aizen-sama if he could have Rangiku's bra back. Aizen-sama then took off the bra on his head and gave it to Gin.

The woman then turned around to me, extended her hand and said, "The heart".

Grimmjow waltzed in and said to me, "Too bad Martin Luther King's dream wasn't like this one, eh?"

Everything then faded to black.

Entry 607

You're all really curious people, aren't you?

Just about every one of your reviews asked what Gin's major is in.

To be honest, I don't know either.

The part of the certificate that stated his major was smudged.

Entry 608

Since I don't want to leave you all hanging, I'll go ask Gin what his major is.

Entry 609

"Gin, what is your major?"

"I thought you already knew."

"No. I couldn't read your certificate because it was smudged."

"Oh. Well, it's

Entry 610

My pen ran out of ink.

I had to go get a different one.

Anyways, his major is in dance.

Entry 611

Do you know why people like Shakespeare?

I don't.

When I tried to figure it out, I read Hamlet, which is supposed to be one of Shakespeare's best plays.

My conclusion: Hamlet is trash.

Sorry to anyone who likes Hamlet.

Entry 612

Ok. I'm going to go to bed now.

I hope that I don't have any dreams…


	104. Braces

Entry 613

Ai is really exited.

Why?

I don't know. Let me go ask.

Entry 614

"Why are you exited?"

"Eff our Lives made over 2,000,000 in its opening week! We made more money than what we used for the budget!"

"… You didn't have a budget."

"Exactly!"

Entry 615

Wait.

If I was the star of the movie…

… Then shouldn't I get paid?

Entry 616

"Ulqi-kun! Ulqi-kun!" Ai called to me.

"…" I replied.

"Ichigo's on summer break!"

"So?"

"Can we go visit him?"

"…"

"That's a yes! Suki-chan! Suki-chan! Pack your bags!" Ai called out to Sukiresu, who was not with us at that moment.

"Uhh… now?" Sukiresu replied from wherever he was.

"Yeah, now!"

"But…"

"BUT WHAT?"

"I'm in the shower…"

"Then pack after you're out of the shower!"

Entry 617

"Your going ta da World O' the Livin'?" Gin asked me.

"Can you stop speaking like that? Your accent is hard to write."

"How do ya know that ya are gonna write dis in your diary?"

"I always write down the conversations I have with you."

Gin took that the wrong way.

Entry 618

Ichigo and them weren't in Karakura.

They went to someplace called "Colorado."

"Ulqi-kun, what's a 'Colorado'?" Ai asked me.

"It's a state in The United States of America." Sukiresu answered.

"Suki-chan! I asked Ulqi-kun, not you!"

Entry 619

Well, since the strawberry's not here, Ai decided to visit his family.

Don't ask me why.

Entry 620

Needless to say, Ai and Ichigo's father got along really well.

They were talking about all sorts of things, laughing their heads off and then…

… Ichigo's father noticed Ai's teeth.

Entry 621

"Wow. To think a doctor would notice that your teeth are crooked…" Sukiresu mumbled while licking his ice cream.

Ai didn't reply. All she did was lick her ice cream.

And, because I felt OOC at that moment, I smacked the ice cream out of her hands.

Surprisingly, she didn't get mad at me.

All she did was stare at it melting on the floor.

Entry 622

"Oh, ho! Your teeth are crooked, Ai Kirai!" Szayel said to Ai.

"Would you like me to put braces on you?" He asked.

"No." Ai replied.

"Hmm. That's too bad. Would you like some laughing gas?"

"Sure." Ai answered.

Entry 623

I think Szayel gave Ai too much laughing gas.

Entry 624

So Ai is in the living room, laughing her heart out.

Whatever a heart is.

Then Yammy entered the room, and stared at Ai while she was laughing.

He then decided to join her.

And I, having nothing better to do; I stood there and watched them.

After awhile, I got Nnoitra to video tape them.

He posted it on YouTube.

You should have seen Ai's face when she saw the video.

Scratch that. You should have seen Nnoitra's face after Ai saw the video.


	105. The end of FMA

Entry 625

I spelled 'excited' like 'exited' last time, didn't I?

Ai's stupid-ness is rubbing off on me…

Entry 626

"Why are you eating so much?" I asked Ai.

"Because! I need a lot of stamina, so I need a lot of energy! I need a lot of energy, so I need a lot of food!"

"No. That's just a lame excuse to eat everything in the fridge."

"So? Suki-chan is helping me."

Hmm. It's funny how I didn't notice Sukiresu until Ai mentioned him…

Entry 627

"Ai, smile." Aizen-sama asked.

"I can't." She replied.

"Why not?"

"I forgot how."

"Lies."

"Fine. Then tell me why I have to listen to you."

"Because I am the boss of you."

So Ai smiled.

And her braces are rainbow colored.

Why am I not surprised?

Entry 628

"Lol."

"Shut up, Grimmjow."

"I can't, Nnoitra."

"Why not?"

"Because your face is so freaking messed up."

"Shut up. It's not my fault she beat me up."

"Yes it is. You shouldn't have video taped her and Yammy laughing."

"Well…"

"And then have put the video up on YouTube."

"…"

"At least your more subscribed than Fred now."

Entry 629

"ULQI-KUN!"

"What?"

"Full Metal Alchemist ended!"

**AN: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist**

"Ulqi-kun…"

"Hmm?"

"Why is AN writing in your diary?"

"To tell the readers that she doesn't own Full Metal Alchemist."

"…"

"How does she do that?"

"Do what?"

"THAT… like… magically appear in your journal?"

"No clue. Go ask Szayel."

Entry 630

Oh. This journal's anniversary is in 3 days…


	106. Author's Note

Entry 631

**Sup, Ulquiorra.**

… AN?

**Yup. So how are you feeling?**

The same way I felt yesterday.

**And how did you feel yesterday?**

The same way I feel today.

**Wait. How are you supposed to feel when you don't have a heart?**

I don't know. I was just going with the flow.

**How very Taoist of you.**

…

…

…

**Oh. The diary's anniversary is today.**

No. It's tomorrow. You're a day early.

**Whoops. **

And it's not a diary. It's a journal.

**That should become your catch phrase.**

…Don't you have some sort of project to do?

**No. I'm on summer vacation! :D**

What's that?

**Summer vacation is a magical time where children frolic freely on beaches (or sit in front of a T.V or computer and rot) and don't worry about homework, projects, tests, and exams for 3 months!**

No. I was talking about the colon and the capital d.

**That's a smiley face.**

How?

**You lack imagination.**

No. You're just seriously messed up.

**Touché. Did you know FMA ended?**

Yes.

**It made me sad. :( **

Is that another smiley face?

**No. That's a frowny face.**

…

**Wanna know how it made me sad?**

Not really.

**Cuz it was an awesome manga and I am going to miss reading it.**

Good to know.

**I'm going to Alice in Wonderland today!**

Have fun.

**I will. How's Ai and Sukiresu?**

Fine.

**Care to be more descriptive?**

Ai is trying to convince Aizen-sama to let her throw an anniversary party for the journal—

**Coughdiarycough.**

…

**What?**

Please don't interrupt me.

**Why? Did I hurt your feelings?**

May I continue?

**Oh! Your mommy taught you some manners!**

Sukiresu is currently teaching Gin how to play the drums.

**Fantastic! Tell me more.**

More of what?

**Dunno. I'm just trying to make this as long as possible.**

Don't you go by another name?

**Yeah. Lamekirby.**

Lamekirby?

'**Lame' happens to be one of my favorite words. Kirby is my favorite videogame character.**

_One _of your favorite words?

**Yup. Some of my other favorite words include **_**demeanor **_**and**_** persona.**_

… You've read a dictionary for fun once, haven't you?

**Don't judge me.**

By the way, who's Kirby?

… **Do you live under a rock?**

No. Now tell me.

**I'm not going to tell you. Go ask Ai. **

Why can't I just look it up on Google?

**Because there are also people with the name Kirby, a place named Kirby, and a vacuum named Kirby.**

What's with your sudden appearances lately?

**The last time I had to put an Author's Note was chapter 92.**

You put one in last chapter.

**I'm not counting that. **

Why not?

**Do you know how to type?**

You're avoiding my question.

**Yeah I am! So do you?**

Yes.

**Prove it.**

How?

**Good point. Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?**

No. Aizen-sama knows though.

**Figures.**

What's that supposed to mean?

**If you were keeping up with the manga, you would also be sick of Aizen's know-it-all attitude.**

What manga?

… **Never mind. It's best if you don't know.**

Ok.

**I have to go know.**

Good riddance.


	107. Guess what

Entry 632

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"You forgot to ask AN how she does the magic thing!"

'Forgot'. That's a funny way of putting it.

Entry 633

"Ulqi-kun!"

"What now?"

"You didn't post a chapter on the day of the anniversary."

Oh.

Well, it's not like anyone was looking forward to it anyway.

Entry 631

"ULQI-KUN!"

"… What?"

"You need to be more funny!"

"Excuse me?"

"A reviewer complained that you aren't funny enough!"

That's not my problem.

Entry 632

"Ulquiorra…" Yammy said.

"…"

"ULQUIORRA!"

"What?"

"Hi."

Entry 633

"Starrk, Guess what?"

"What, Yammy?"

"No. You have to guess."

"Fine. Is the sky falling?"

"No. I am your superior!"

You could actually see Stark die a little on the inside.

Entry 634

"Ulqi-kun, guess what?"

"What?"

"Chicken butt!"

Entry 635

"Did you know that if you go to Seven Eleven on July 11 you get a free slurpee?" Szayel said.

"What's a Seven Eleven?" Nnoitra asked.

"I'm still in the process of figuring that out."

Entry 636

"Ulquiorra-sama?"

"Mmm?"

"Can I tell you about a dream I had?"

"Sure."

"I dreamt that I lost my face."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. In my dream, I was looking in a mirror; and I didn't have a face."

"… So did you find your face?"

"Yes."

"Where was it?"

"Inside Aizen-sama's tea cup."


	108. KFC

Entry 637

"Hey, Ulqi-kun!"

"What?"

"Let's go eat at KFC!"

"What does KFC stand for?"

"I dunno. Do you know, Suki-chan?"

"No."

Hmm. Maybe Szayel knows what it means.

Entry 638

"…"

"…"

"I realize this must be awkward." Szayel said.

"Yeah. It kind of is."

You see, I caught Szayel at a bad time.

I went to his lab to ask him what KFC meant…

… And when I went to his lab I found him…

Dancing.

To this song. I think it was by Ke$ha.

The song kept repeating the words 'tick tock'.

Anyways, Szayel didn't know what it meant.

So I now have the image of Szayel dancing inside my head for nothing.

Maybe Nnoitra will know what it means.

Entry 639

"Nnoitra, what does KFC mean?"

"That's easy. It means Kenpachi Fried Chicken."

I don't believe that.

Not one bit.

Entry 640

"Hey Gin, what does KFC mean?"

All Gin did was stare at me while smiling.

Someday, I'm going to get Gin to answer a question with actual words.

Entry 641

"Hey, Ulquiorra. I heard that you've been asking what KFC means." Grimmjow said.

"Why do you know that?"

"… 'Cuz I know these things."

"So you know when people are asking around for the meanings of words?"

"Yep. I've got 'word senses'!"

I think he was trying to impress me with that.

Entry 642

"Aizen-sama?"

"Yes, my precious son?"

"What does KFC mean?"

"What a silly question! It means Kentucky fried chicken, my boy."

"What's a Kentucky?"

"A state in the USA."

"Um, Aizen-sama?"

"Yes, my child?"

"Shouldn't you still be recovering from your reindeer accident?"

"Why no, my silly child! Didn't you know that your father heals quickly?"

"… No."

"Oh. Well, now you have learned something new about your papa today, correct?"

"That is correct, sir."

Entry 643

"Sukiresu, Ai."

"Hey! How come you addressed Suki-chan first?"

"Because I saw him first."

"Oh."

"Anyways, KFC means Kentucky Fried Chicken."

"Umm… Ulquiorra-sama…" Sukiresu started.

"… We already found out what it meant." Ai finished.

"How?" I asked.

"We looked it up on the internet." They answered together.


	109. Mugged

Entry 644

So we're eating at KFC.

In Canada.

Don't ask why.

Entry 645

There is a sign on the door that says 'thank you for choosing to eat at KFC'.

I did not choose to come here.

I was forced.

Entry 646

Ai, Sukiresu, and I just exited the KFC.

A man dressed in black came up to me and pointed a gun at me.

"Give me all your money!" He said.

"Excuse me?" I replied.

"I… I said give me all your money!"

"Why should Ulqi-kun give you his hard earned money?" Ai asked.

My money is hard earned?

Frankly, gathering information for Aizen-sama and killing the random shinigami isn't all that hard.

So how is my money hard earned?

"Give me the money or else I'll shoot you!" The man said.

"You didn't answer Ai's question." Sukiresu said.

"What question?" The man asked.

"About why Ulqi-kun should give you his money." Ai answered.

The man stared at Ai. And then he hit himself on this forehead.

I do believe you people call that a "Face Palm".

"Don't you guys realize that you're being mugged?" The man asked.

"We're being mugged?" Ai asked Sukiresu.

"I guess so." Sukiresu answered.

"Forget it!" The man screamed as he went to go mug someone else.

"Ulqi-kun, can we go out for ice cream?" Ai asked.

Entry 647

Ai checked her email when we got home.

Apparently, she got another review saying that this story isn't funny anymore.

Does this mean that people aren't laughing at my life any more?

Since this 'story' is basically my day to day life.

Entry 648

So Aizen-sama and Gin are playing a card game.

I think it was called 'Yu Gi Oh.'

Entry 649

"Ha, you just activated my trap card, Gin!"

"But you activated a trap card three minuets ago…"

"I know. And now I have activated another one!"

"Aizen-sama, how many trap cards do you have?"

"A lot."

"I quit."

Gin proceeded to leave the room.

"Wait! Gin! Do you want to play goldfish instead?" Aizen-sama said after Gin left the room.

Entry 650

Grimmjow got another letter from Gakushi.

Incase you forgot, Gakushi happens to be Grimmjow's nephew.

_I'm writing another letter to you, UNCLE_

_Mom's not looking over my shoulder this time._

_Hey, is your actual name Grimmjaw? Cuz Mom is always calling you Grimmjaw. _

_Unless your own sister doesn't even know your name._

_Anyways, how is it over in Las Nachos or whatever you call that weird place of yours?_

_Things are fine in Soul Society. _

_FYI, we're going to kick your butts in the upcoming war._

_And you never sent a letter back to me. It broke my 80 year old heart._

_Not really._

_Later, UNCLE_

Entry 651

"Grimmjow."

"Yes, Ulquiorra?"

"Why does Gakushi always capitalize the letters in 'uncle'?"

"Dunno. Maybe he's retarded."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, he thinks Las Noches is 'Las Nachos'."

"True."

"And that he thinks that the Shinigami are going to win the upcoming war."

"… Why did you have me read the letter out loud to you?"

"Just incase the letter self destructed after it was read."

Entry 652

"I got the perfect idea that will make this story funny again!" Ai said.

Why does she keep calling my life a story?

"We'll do another Truth or Dare chapter!" She announced.

…

Hmmm.

It sounded like she just said we would do another Truth or Dare chapter.

Wait. She did say that.

I guess I'll go sit in my emo corner now.

_**YEAH, YOU READ THAT RIGHT! TRUTH OR DARE IS BACK! SO IF YOU WANNA DARE SOMEONE, BE SURE TO TELL ME!**_


End file.
